Trigger warning! If you are disturbed, offended, or triggered by self harm, talk of suicide and graphic descriptions of suicide, DO NOT READ!
Pining: To suffer a mental and physical decline, especially because of a broken heart, often leading to suicide.
(Eren's Diary)
June 1st 2015 1:27 am. Dear Diary,
Fuck him, fuck me, fuck my life. Today was literally the worst day of my life. Today was the day, their day, the one year anniversary of Levi and Petra's wedding. He knew I liked him, and from what I knew, he liked me back. So why did he have to go marry that blonde money loving whore?!?!?! As you know I had been contemplating self homicide. And I say that because I don't like the s-word or the ki(ll)ing my self phrase, its all used to harshly. But anyways I plan on doing it today. My plan is to cut my self, down all the pills I have in my cabinet and then hanging myself in the bathroom, living room, bedroom? I'm not sure yet but that's my plan. Talk to you later, bye.
June 1st 2015 3:46 am. Dear Diary,
This entry is officially my last. I have just finished setting every thing up, I unlocked the apartment door, so they can find my body. I decided to set up the noose in my bed room, because if I want to end it all, I want to end it where all the pain started. The pills are in a rather large cup next to an even larger cup of water. And then the knife I am going to cut with is on my bed. Well, good bye forever, I hope I do not cause too much pain for Armin or Mikasa. As for my suicide note, I'll leave that on my bedroom door. And if you want to know what it says, here is what it says:
Dear everyone,
Sorry, All I have to say is sorry, Im sorry for all the pain I caused/ put you through. As for Levi. Fuck you. Its your fault. I love you all and I cant wait to see you in heaven. Good bye, I wish all of you the best of luck (except Levi and Petra)in all your current and future endeavors.
~Eren Jager
So yah, that's all it really says, nothing too much any ways, I'm gonna go, its 4:03 right now so yah..... Goodbye.
Forever.
Eren P.O.V.
As I finish writing my last entry, I place the black composition book down under my bed. Hopefully no one will find it, but if they do, its up to them to read. I get up from the spot on the floor next to my bed, where I was writing and grab the knife that was on the end of the bed. The knife now settles deep into my skin, so much adrenaline is pouring through my veins so all I feel is a slight pinch, but this one cut is not enough, there needs to be more.
Both of my arms are now mutilated. I shakily reach for the glass of pills on my desk, downing the whole cup of pills in a matter of seconds. Then I wash it down with a cup of water. I hear the front door open. Shit! I need to work fast or I wont be able to end it all.
The person is now calling my name, steps are getting louder as the person approaches my room. I can tell by the voice that its male. Most likely Connie or Jean. I step onto the chair that is right under the noose. Positioning my neck in the noose, I feel drowsy, must be the pills. I kick the chair out from under my feet, falling to the ground only to be stopped by the tight noose around my neck. I can hear sobbing from outside my door, then a loud gasp as the door slams open, my vision is going, getting black around the edges. But even as I'm loosing my vision, I can still see the person that desperately yells out my name;
Its Levi.
"EREN!"
I stutter out my last words "Le...v...i"
Then it all goes black.
