may i stand unshaken [Arthur Morgan × OC]

Chapter 6

1897

You know, I may have embellished a little by comparing Abigail's appearance to the difficulties. On the one hand, after a while it became even easier. For me, at least. Although Arthur wrote that he should even marry her, John beat him to it.

Yes, occasionally I secretly read Morgan's diary, don't judge me harshly. Are you saying that if you had been in love with one person for a long time and didn't know how he felt about you, you wouldn't have taken advantage of this opportunity? By the way, it turned out that Arthur did not write about me in his diary. Nothing at all. Just drawing. My small soft pencil portraits were seen very often on white pages.

Because of John's reciprocal feelings, he did not take any serious steps, since he understood his friend's interest in this girl. Arthur has always known the boundaries that cannot be crossed. By the way, Abigail really fell in love with Marston. And when this happened, we moved from the dead point of envy and mutual contempt and became closer. I was the first person who found out about her pregnancy. We had a long conversation in the middle of the night, when we both couldn't sleep from the noise of obsessive thoughts in our heads. The camp was located in a new place, near a wide river, and we quietly walked to its shore, dropping right on the sand. Then the night was cool, the round moon stood high above our heads, touching the water surface with white rays. She told the news with involuntary tears in her eyes, because she was worried about a lot of things. The fact that John had a slightly contradictory and hot-tempered nature was not news. She was afraid of his reaction. In a low voice, as if it were part of the rustle of water or the rustle of leaves, Abigail said that she had slept with several men from our camp before John, and he knew it. Then I asked a question, the answer to which could hit both her and Marston to the heart, but the girl was sure that the child was his, and something deep inside told me that she wasn't lying. Another question was spinning in my head, but I never dared to voice it. Was she with Arthur? The thought made my heart empty. However, Abigail had the courage to ask if I had anything with John, and I decided not to hide anything. At one point I realized that the jealousy that had appeared earlier between us was some kind of childishness. But it was time to grow up and leave such things behind. Everything is already in the past, and we were entering a new stage of life. So Abby just nodded understandingly and said that she guessed about it, even though John constantly dodged the question in an attempt to hide what happened many years ago. A lot has already changed during this time.

– And Arthur? – she said, rubbing her tired eyes.

– And what about Arthur? – I asked, hugging my knees and resting my head on them.

– What's going on between you and him? – The girl looked up at the sky, and the moon lit up her face, making her skin color even whiter.

– I do not know, – I grinned and raked the soft sand with my fingers. – Nothing, I think.

– It's unnoticeable, – Abigail replied, smiling out of the corner of her mouth. – Everything is understandable.

– I don't understand anything, – I sighed noisily, hiding my face in my lap. – He certainly shows attention, but no more. I don't know what's in his head. Maybe he doesn't need it. Maybe he's had enough of the hassle with Mary.

– Or maybe you will meet another man who will be more courageous for the first step, – the girl smiled and touched my shoulder encouragingly.

– Maybe, – I shrugged and closed my eyes. – Is it lucky or unfortunately, when your heart has belonged to only one person for many years?

– You have to think about yourself, Joe, – Abby said. – Maybe, of course, you like to torture yourself and kill yourself because of one person, but it's time to stop doing this.