Invisible-Matt

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I'm sitting in English class waiting for the teacher to start, sometimes talking to the people at my table. The only 2 people I talk to are the ones at my table. I try to add to the conversation but the one girl just ignored what I even said. Ok then. I then notice Jordan across the room yell in my direction "hey mark, do you have a computer charger?"

I stay silent looking at him. Is he looking at me, or someone near me? There is no one named mark in this class. Is he talking to me? I look at him a few seconds more.

"Is Mark not your name?" Jordan asks.

"Uhh no." I reply quietly

"Oh. Whats his name?" Jordan turns to his table asking.

They all shrug, not any of them giving an answer. I try to not let it get to me, but to be honest that hurt. It's the end of may and I've been in class with these people since January. Now true I never participate, but I thought maybe they'd at least know my name. Or have the decency to find out before calling me Mark.

I feel my chest start to tighten knowing that interaction just brought attention to me. I try to focus on my breathing so it is not obvious that I am freaking out. Am I really that invisible to everybody? I feel tears start to prick at my eyes so I quickly grab the bathroom pass and walk out of the room. Once I get into the stall I lock it and try to hold back the tears allowing just a few to flow down my cheeks. I wiped my face and just tried to stop so my face wouldn't be as red and puffy. I return to class as if nothing happened and just continue through my day.

The rest of the day went by slow, probably because I have been in a bad mood since English. Finally I hear the bell ring and make my way to meet Chris and Nick at the car. When I get there they are both already there since their classes are closer to the parking lot. I get in silently, buckle my seat belt and just look ahead. I see Chris give me a slight glance, but then he turns back and starts pulling out of the parking lot. I remain silent the whole ride while Nick and Chris talk about what happened during their classes.

We pull into the driveway and all take out our bags from the car. I enter the house first and head towards the kitchen. I grab a small snack and go straight to my room. I hear nick behind me ask "you ok Matt?" "Yeah" I mutter not even stopping to face him.

Once I reach my room I put all my stuff down and just lay on my bed. I usually don't let small comments like the one Jordan made get to me, but for some reason today it's all I can think out. How can I really be that invisible to people? I curl up into my covers and try to sleep but my mind is too active to let my body rest.

Chris pov:

"Hey did Matt seem a little down to you?" I ask Nick.

"Yeah I don't know what's up with him. Maybe he's just tired. He's probably taking a nap right now." Nick replies.

"Yeah that's true. We'll check on him later." I say sitting on the coach turning on the tv.

2 hours later

I hear a small thump come from Matt's room. I guess he's awake. I wait to see if he comes out of his room, but half an hour passes and there's no sign of him. I walk to nicks room and tell him Matt still has not come out of his room. He gives me sad look.

We both walk down the hall to Matt's room and gently knock on the door. "Yeah?" I hear Matt softly reply.

"Can we come in?" I ask. He responds with a quiet "sure".

I open the door and see him sitting on his bed just looking at the ceiling. I notice an empty cup on the floor, that must have been what I heard fall. As I look at my brother I notice he's not even really acknowledging that we are even there.

"Matt, you ok?" I ask walking towards him. I seem to break his train of thought as I see him look at me.

"Yeah, sorry. What's up?" He replies.

"Nothing, you just seemed kinda down when we got home, so we wanted to check in on you" nick says sitting on his bed. I then too sit down.

Matt's eyes drop a little. "Oh, yeah I'm fine. Sorry."

"You didn't do anything Matt there's nothing to feel sorry about" I laugh a little. He doesn't even crack a small smile. "Matt you can talk to us, what's wrong?"

"No it's really nothing." He replies. "Just something stupid that's been getting at me for no reason."

"Well stupid or not we wanna hear what it is" Nick says moving in closer

"No guys seriously it doesn't matter" he tries again.

"Well we aren't leaving until you speak so you better start talking" I say trying to get him to talk

Matt sighs and locks eyes with me. His eyes look sad, then he asks "Do I seem invisible to you guys?"

Me and Nick both give a small laugh, but then realize he's serious. "What do you mean by that Matt?" I ask.

"I don't know, sorry, never mind." He says trying to change the topic.

"No seriously what do you mean by that Matt? I want to know". I say trying to persuade him to tell us.

He sighs again and says "Today in English this guy called me Mark. And when he realized that wasn't my name he asked people what my name was and no one knew. No one! I've been in class with these people for 5 months and they don't even know my name. I feel like no one ever even sees me anymore!" Matt begins to softly cry letting only a few tears roll down his cheeks. It hurts to see him feel this way and I can tell Nick feels the same.

Nick then grabs Matt's hand and says "don't worry it's ok. Don't let this guy or this class bother you. Just because you aren't known in one class doesn't mean other people don't see you." 

Matt takes his hand out of nicks grasp and says loudly "No you don't understand! This happens all the time! It's happened multiple times this year already, it's happened last year, it always does. Nobody knows who I am! It's like i'm not even here! How can I know so much about these people yet they don't even know what my name is!" His voice is filled with anger and sadness. "Im tired of being the person nobody knows. Im tired of being nobody" He says starting to cry harder.

I feel tears start to well up in my eyes from hearing my brother think he is a nobody. "Matt, Matt please don't say that. You are not a nobody. There are so many people who love you and those are the people who count. Who cares about some loser in your English class. Trust me he'll know your name someday, everybody will. You will make a name for yourself, I know it"

Matt leans in and hugs us both while wiping the last of his tears. "Thank you guys so much. I don't know why it bothered me so much today. Thank you."

"Of course" Nick says. "Oh and Chris where did that whole speech come from. I've never heard you sound so smart in your life!" He says making us all laugh.

"Oh hush" I respond. "Come on guys let's go eat dinner. I'm feeling tacos, anyone else?"

"Yes!" Nick and Matt say in unison as we all start heading towards the kitchen.

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