Sturniolo Triplets One Shots!

Panic attack- Matt pt.2

Nick Pov:

I wake up and notice I'm the first one awake. I look to my right and see both my brothers still asleep. I look at Matt a few moments longer. He looks so at peace while he's sleeping, very different from his state yesterday. I hate seeing him in pain. I hate seeing either of my brothers in pain. It hurt to see how distressed Matt was yesterday. If it hurt me that bad, I can't even begin to imagine how Matt felt. I feel so bad for how scared he must have felt, how bad his panic attack must have been for us to not even be able to touch him. I look at his peaceful state one more time before I get up out of bed.

Only a few moments later I see Chris is awake and doing the same thing I was: taking in Matt's peacefulness. "I did the same thing." I say getting Chris's attention. "It's so nice to not see him worried, and be calm for once. I wish he could be like that all the time, I wish I could take his anxiety away." I say sadly.

"I know, I hate not being able to do much to help him. It hurt to see him like that yesterday. It really hurt." Chris says tearing up. I walk over to him and we hold each other tight in a hug. We each let a few tears slip out while comforting one another. Me and Chris often comfort each other after one of Matt's panic attacks, when he is asleep. We stay strong for Matt when he is at a low point, but let it out when we are alone. If Matt saw how much it affected us, it would make him feel guilty, and thats the last thing we need.

"When he's ready, I want to ask him what caused it, and what was happening during it." Chris says, having the same thought as me.

"Yeah, me too. I don't know how much he'll want to talk today, so we have to be very patient with him." I warn Chris. He agrees and we allow Matt to sleep as we watch tv.

Matt Pov:

I wake up and am immediately hit with the memories of yesterday. The fear I had still runs through my blood. I take a few deep breaths to stop myself from crying. I lay still for another 20 minutes, not even having energy to move. My headache becomes unbearable and I force myself to turn over. I grab the water bottle I left on the nightstand the day before. I look at the clock and see the time is 3 pm. I slept the whole day. Nick and Chris notice my movement and their faces soften when they look at me.

"Good morning Matt." Chris says quietly not wanting to be too loud. I give each of my brothers a small smile then lay my head back down on the pillow. I still don't have the energy or right mental state to talk. Gladly they realize that, and don't try to make me speak.

I remain laying in bed silent for another hour. Not watching tv, not on my phone, just in my own head. I can hear Nick and Chris having conversations, but I can't be bothered enough to pay attention.

"Hey Matt." Nick says softly while sitting on my bed. "Do you want anything to eat?" He asks. I shake my head no. "I know you don't want anything, but it's important you eat Matt. You haven't had anything to eat in almost 24 hours. How does a bagel sound?" Nick asks hopeful. I sigh, but nod my head. I don't want anything, but I know I need to eat.

Nick soon brings me a bagel and I give him a small smile to thank him. I didn't realize how hungry I was until I took the first bite. I finish the bagel and see Nick is glad I did. "Good job Matt. Thank you for eating." He says smiling and taking my plate.

Two more hours pass and I still stay in bed. I want to talk to them, I want to tell them everything that happened yesterday, but I don't want to speak. I know I have to though. I mentally prepare myself and 10 minutes later finally get words out. "Nick, Chris?" I ask quietly, hating the feeling of speaking. They both turn to me, glad to see me talking.

"What's up Matt?" Chris replies calmly.

"Can I talk to you guys about yesterday?" I ask.

They both move over to my bed and sit down facing me. "Of course you can, you can tell us anything. We would like to know what all happened, but only tell us when you are ready to ok?" Nick assures me. I nod my head grateful of his patience with me.

I take a deep breath and prepare myself for a long talk. "My uhh, my anxiety has been pretty bad the last few days and I don't really know why. I didn't want to tell you guys because I didn't want to worry you." I pause. I see both their eyes sadden. "Yesterday it was the worst it has been in a while. When I went in the store I was already really anxious, then I couldn't find the things on the list either. Then these girls recognized me and asked for a picture and they both put their arms around me and I felt so claustrophobic. It seemed like everyone was staring at me and it felt- it felt like-" I pause and take a deep breath. I notice my hand begin to shake just thinking about the feelings I had yesterday.

"Deep breaths Matt. Take your time." Nick says comforting me.

"It felt like the room was closing in on me. I knew I was gonna have a panic attack so I went into the bathroom. I couldn't see, I couldn't hear, I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe! I tried, but no matter what I did I couldn't breathe! It was like my throat closed and the room was crushing me and I couldn't do anything about it!" I exclaim. I look up and see tears forming in both my brothers eyes. "When you guys came in, I couldn't see what you were doing or hear anything you were saying. When you touched me it felt like I was being suffocated. I'm sorry for pushing you away, you were just trying to help. But I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe and I was so scared." I say beginning to cry again.

Chris grabs my shaking hand in hopes to calm me down. "It's alright Matt. You're here now and everything is ok. I need you to focus on your breathing ok?" Chris pleads, trying to prevent me from having another panic attack.

I take a moment to breathe, and start again when I feel ready. "Nothing I was doing helped. I so badly wanted to be held and listen to your words, but I couldn't. Any physical touch felt strangling and I couldn't hear you. I couldn't even talk, to tell you what I needed. When I could breathe again, all the emotions came back to me. The fear I had all came back. I've never been more scared in my life. When I went into your arms Nick, I just needed to be comforted. I held onto you like my life was on the line, because it felt like it was. I was so scared. Thank you both for helping me. I don't know what I would do without you. I really don't" I finish my story crying. I look up to see both Nick and Chris crying too. They cry from realizing how bad my mental space is during panic attacks. They bring me into a hug and hold me tight.

"It's okay matt, it's all okay. Listen, never be scared to tell us how you're feeling. If you're anxiety is bad you can let us know, we will help you okay? We're here to help." Chris says wiping his eyes and giving me a smile.

"Okay, but I don't want to bother you guys. You help me so much when I have panic attacks, but I always take up your time. I don't want to worry you, or make you feel like you have to help me. I'm sorry for always making you go out of your way to help me." I apologize wiping my tears.

"Matt, we don't mind at all. There's nothing else we would rather do then help you when you need us. You are never a bother to us. Always feel free to come to us for help, we are always here for you. Don't ever apologize for something you can't control." Nick says in a soft but serious tone.

I nod my head feeling exhausted from speaking. I still was not in the right mental state to have a conversation, but this was one that needed to happen. They wanted and needed to know what happened yesterday.

Chris notices my nonverbal response and tired expression. "It's totally fine if you do, but are you gonna not speak again for a little while?" Chris asks wondering.

I sigh sadly and nod my head again. As soon as I finished telling them what happened, my want to talk went away. Speaking felt like a difficult task. It made it hard to communicate, but it kept me more calm to not talk while in this mental state.

"That's okay. Take the time you need. You can come talk to us when you're ready. You can always show us or text us if you ever want or need anything. We're right here for you." Chris says, making me feel less bad.

I smile at them and bring them both in for another hug. I am welcomed with the familiar safe feeling I get whenever I am in their arms. If only I could stay like this forever.

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Hope you liked this two part story! And thank you for all the love on the first part! 🤍

Remember, your feelings are valid and it's okay to ask for help <3