What are we?

Goodbye

It wasn't many days since dad had been going on about me finding my purpose. finding out what to do with myself. I knew he was right and that I did in fact need to figure out what it was I wanted in life. After all, I was 19. Yet I didn't know where to start, didn't know how to take the next step towards whatever it was I wanted.

Mom would continually tell him that he was being too harsh. that he needed to calm down and breathe because I was still young. I knew that she would just say that to make me feel better though. to make me maybe a bit happier than what I was. The fact was that after I got out of school I was a mess. When I didn't have that fine structure with all the things I had to do written down in front of me it wasn't all that easy. I don't know why I could continue on with life like everyone else but I somehow just couldn't.

I rubbed my eyes and grabbed hold of my phone. 11.34. My flight left at three and then I would be on my way to australia. My dad worked as a team leader for the Mercedes formula 1 team and had told me that in between figuring out myself I could join him on the traveling. Maybe seeing the world would help.

I didn't feel like it would. all in all i wanted to stay at home with mom and to just relax but i had no choice. and no. I'm not some spoiled kid who just doesn't want to work or doesn't want to actually do something for money. I really want to do something but it's just that I do not know what and for some reason I can't seem to figure it out either.

my dad and my mom had chosen this insane line of work and now they both were out doing big things while i was stuck on if i should take on sweats or jeans.

I hated this.

...

My mom drove me to the airport an hour before the flight. i didn't feel good about this, maybe it was the whole idea of it, or maybe it was my fear of airplanes. Either way I felt like I was about to barf.

"goodbye hun. be kind to your father will you?" she asked me as i got out of the car.

"I always am," I tell her. she acts like i've been rude to him. ever.

"yeah yeah i know him and i know you" she told me "you two bicker more than anyone i've ever met" i just rolled my eyes at her and blew her a kiss before dragging my suitcase inside of the airport.

it smelled weird in here. that strong airport smell that hinted towards suitcase smells, soap and sweat. Everyone's greatest wish on a Thursday morning.

There was a lot of noise as well. I felt my head pounding as it took a bit of a panic. alot of people, a lot of noise, little time. great.

At last I had no choice but to put on my headset while turning up the music until I only heard that. First, I could actually relax. actually fell back onto a bench and got an overview. I planned where I would go first and then measured the lines. I was like this and it was tiring. I had to have a plan.

an hour later i had entered the plane, sat myself down in first class and turned on my music and grabbed a book. I closed my eyes for a quick second and took in a deep breath and finally felt that knot in my chest let go. I was on the plane. had my passport and my phone. a win in my book.

I spent most of the flight reading and sleeping. It took a while to get there and luckily the flights were direct so I didn't have to move flights or anything, I don't know if I would have survived that.

Once the plane landed I waited for almost everyone on my row to get off before I got up, grabbed my bag and quickly left the plane.

The hot air hit me once I got out. I felt it on my skin and it felt so good. I could also smell that hot smell you get when you land in spain. The sun was hot as I walked over to the door into the airport and the baggage pickup. When I entered I couldn't see my dad. He wasn't there.