About Us

1

You're on the driver's side and I on the passenger. The music is playing and our hearts are wary. You no longer turn down the music to speak to me and I no longer have the heart to smile at you.

We're both here but not present with each other.

The love that had brought us together is no longer at peak and reality is settling in. Our true colors have shown and the real us are no longer hidden in the shadows.

I hum a different tune from your music, a different language that we speak and you tap your fingers on the wheel to the beat. You slowly start to sing to distract yourself from the thoughts of us. And I hum my tune to calm myself from doing the same. But we both know that there is an end coming and it is only a matter of time of who would be the one to break it off.

Green light. You're fine with ignoring me.

Yellow light. I'm killing myself slowly.

Red light. My heart is hurting but I love you.

I wish you understood how much I love you. How much I gave myself to you. I know my heart needs a rest, it's exhausted and so is yours.

I turn the music down slowly. I hate to be the one to ask because I know the truth and I don't want you to overthink it. "Are we okay?"

You nod your head and turn the music back up and continue to sing. My heart is aching and my anxiety is kicking in. I love you and I don't want to lose you but I know this is going to end, I just don't have the strength to lose us.

Every red light that we stop at is more time suffocating in my thoughts. And you punish me by ignoring me and I wish you would stop. I wish for love. I wish for us to go back to the happy moments. But you're you and I'm too caught up in trying to save us.

Breathing gets hard to do when it's no longer second nature, loving you became second nature. My love for you was effortless and I hope you could have done the same, loved me the same way I showed you how I wanted to be loved.

You're caught up in your head and I'm caught up with my heart. You're more realistic and I'm always daydreaming.

When will we stop hurting each other and when do we get to be happy?

"I'm not happy" you say sternly. The music is still loud but I could hear every word that came out of your mouth clearly. You could have whispered it and I would have already knew. You didn't have to speak either, I knew. But you saying it confirmed everything. Everything that I didn't want to be true.

My heart feels very heavy and it feels too easy for you to let me go. For you to let us go. It doesn't make sense for you to do this and I'm too weak to say something.

"Are you?" I look at you. You ask me again. "Are you happy?"

And I haven't thought about it. I just want us to work. Why aren't we working? I stay quiet because it's too hard to speak and I haven't noticed the times where I had cried myself in the shower and to sleep. I haven't cared to take care of myself.

I'm happy when I'm with you. I'm happy when we're good. The good. The times where we're laughing and it feels like we're at a high point in our relationship. Could you have faked it? Were you not happy when we were laughing? We're you not happy when I was near?

Did i no longer serve a purpose to you?

"Of course." And it comes out as a question. As if I was questioning myself.

I cant lose you. I don't want to. But why do we feel so wrong?

And i can't decide if I want to beg or stop it all.

I just love you.

"I love you" was all I could manage to say. There seemed to be a moment where you almost speak but you stop.

We're at a red light again. The silence is annoying me and you don't know how much you're hurting me.
And the realization that you don't reciprocate my love makes this more difficult for me.

You park on the side of a residential area and staring only straight as if you can't stand to look at me. Sighing, you finally speak, "Then let me go."

Now, I'm panicking.

"Loving me is not enough."

You're so mean to me and all I do is try. My throat is burning and I can't breathe or speak. So you drive and continue driving until I am calm and ready to go home. So you drive in circles in silence with the music on low.

And finally we're here. No more stopping at red lights, anticipating the green lights and no more being anxious on the yellow light. It's just us parked on the empty driveway. The car is turned off and maybe this is your way of letting me speak for the last time. I'm still ready to fight, even though I'm tired, I want you. I want this and us.

"I-", No, I shouldn't. So I don't. "Thank you for dropping me off." I get out and tell you to "drive safely" and you tell me "I will" before I could shut the passenger door.

I walk to the front door and you still wait for me to get inside before you leave but now I no longer kiss you a goodbye and you don't ask one .