Behind Blue Eyes

1. Reunite

REMUS
After giving a final glance at my parents, Hope and Lyall, I exited the platform and took my first step onto the Hogwarts Express. Its atmosphere was rather warm, one that I recalled from the spring. The windows in each unit still held a glimmer from being cleaned recently. The smell of the train came back to me. It had been only a couple of months since I last rode it, but I was a different person then. More on that later.

Each unit (a booth with cubbies up top) bustled with either children or older teens. I was only a fifth year, but I considered myself much older than most kids my age. As I passed through the train, I passed by kids already in their robes, some still in summer attire, and others who had clearly never boarded the train before—you could always tell who was new. Some transfers, but mainly first-years. I heard there was a Durmstrang transfer.

I continued to scan for Sirius, Lily, Peter and James, but I kept getting caught up looking at other kids. There was a young girl sitting alone, crying. I thought I should maybe join her instead.

Much to my own dismay, I didn't. I kept walking. What a terrible person I was.

Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me. He had come right out of the boxcar unit to see me. My heart raced. My anxiety kept my head throbbing.

Over the summer, I went on a journey of self-discovery. I knew I was different, and in countless ways. Firstly, I was a wizard, for crying out loud. But I also realized I've had a crush on Sirius. Understatement. A big crush on him. One that's only gotten stronger as we've grown older. I used to share everything with Sirius. But this summer was different. This summer, I'd written him twice. He wrote me back, of course, but I couldn't find any more words. I've become...different...around him.

"Bring it in, tough stuff!" Sirius clenched my hand with his own and pulled me into a hug.

God, I missed him.

Before we released one another, I dared take a whiff of his hair. It was some sort of piney nature smell.

Sirius kept his hand on the unit's door handle. "God, it's great to see you. How the hell are ya?"

I chuckled. "No complaints, truly. Tell me you got to that quidditch match you wrote to me about."

"What, the one two months ago?"

"...Okay, look, I'm sorry I didn't write." I had nothing more to say. What else was there to say?

Sirius exhaled, then shook his head with a smile. "I get it. You're caught up with girls, I presume. Trust me. I get it." He chuckled. "Met someone over the summer."

I felt like a gaping hole suddenly appeared in the middle of my chest. That feeling when you're on the swing set and your chest sinks. He really met someone. Well, what did you expect?

I was quite contained over the matter. "Tell me about them, then. Please, after you." I gesture to the boxcar, as James is impatiently making hearts with his breath and finger in the window.