Exultation (18+)

Chapter Fourteen

Lahni

I had lunch with Amanda today and enjoyed most of our conversation because we hadn't had much chance to talk outside of work before. We chatted about our interests and goals, and she shared that she was currently studying nursing. She expressed how challenging her exams were and how little sleep she was getting due to working full-time and being a student. She also mentioned how grateful she was to have a good-paying job while studying.
To be honest she coaxed me to talk about my personal life more than I'd like and I kept switching the subject.
Although I recognized that she was attempting to establish a friendly connection with me, I experienced negative emotions because my trust-related concerns prevented me from accepting her advances.
Opening up to Eric recently was a difficult task for me, even though I have known him for almost 4 months and have been living with him for 3 months, which speaks volumes about my problems. She meant well I'm sure but no one gets my trust that easily, especially a stranger. Im sure my kindness was perceived as a weakness and that made me appear to be easily manipulated, in the past yes, but those exact experiences have shaped me into the person I am today, with a firm resolve to not be taken advantage of again.
If someone shows you their true colors once, don't make them show you again, they showed you who they are, no one changes overnight, it takes time to unlearn toxicity, and most people are like that since childhood, where most behaviors are learned. But that's something I would never allow, not again. I made that promise to myself when Andrew went away to prison, it took me way too long to leave and it almost cost me my life. It doesn't stop at one slap to the face, I don't care how many times he says he's sorry, if he was truly sorry it would've never happened in the first place, someone who loves you will never hurt you in that way, especially when they know what you've been through, that is just cruel and calculated. When we had finished our lunch she gave me a hug, which threw me off guard, but I reluctantly hugged her back and bid her goodbye.
I drove home where Eric was waiting with a moving van, that was our plan when I got back, to leave for my apartment and start packing it up.
I wanted it done sooner than later so I could stop thinking and worrying about it. Taking the elevator up to my floor and walking to the door is almost nostalgic, pushing the key in and opening it I smile as I walk in. Everything was frozen in time from the day I left months ago, even though I've come for my mail and would occasionally check in, knowing right now this is the last time it'll look like this is bittersweet. The first day Eric came here, holding my pizza hostage just to talk to me. I smiled in remembrance and I'm sure I was just frozen and staring when he put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed, letting me know I wasn't alone and he was there.

"You sure it's still what you want baby?" He gazes at me in question.

"Yes," I smile back lightly. "Let's get to work"

~

An hour or so into us packing we were finished with my living room and starting on my kitchen. A lot of my things were art, cute decor.
My apartment came fully furnished besides the fact there were no washer and dryer, but they were downstairs, and all I paid for in terms of appliances were a new fridge and bed, but I decided to leave them behind for the next tenants, I didn't need them anyways. A lot of things I chose to throw away, like plastic dishes and things I didn't need. I probably didn't need 10 coffee mugs with different cartoon characters on them but I packed them nonetheless, but that's beside the point. I didn't have a lot, besides my sentimental items, pictures, and stuff of my parents that I had boxed and put away.  We soon finished the kitchen and moved on to my bathroom which was 10 minutes or less to get put away. My bedroom was the last room which was arguably going to be the most to pack.