Love doesn't disappear

Chapter One

July 17, 2015

This date in the calendar will follow me forever, it is not a simple date but it is the date when my dear husband left me forever, he died doing what he liked the most, he was injured on the circuit in Japan, on Suzuka on October 5, 2014.

That day was not very nice, it was a rainy day, I thought that the race would not take place because of the rain and because it was very dangerous for the drivers to go out on the circuit, but the management, the FIA did not think it was dangerous, but it was also how to take a tractor on the circuit while the pilots were driving.

How the day went, until the incident, was beautiful.

I was in the hotel room with my handsome and intelligent husband, I had woken up earlier, but I decided not to wake up Jules because I knew that today was an important day for him and for his team, and I was also excited for today, I admired him while he was sleeping, I was looking at his features, from his closed eyes, to his slightly open mouth, his dark brown hair that was stuck to his forehead, until I got off the bed it was like a small fight because Jules was sleeping on his stomach and had one hand under the pillow and the other hand around me, something he's been doing for so many years, he's been holding me like this since we started our beautiful relationship, it wasn't always milk and honey but it was beautiful, I get out of bed and go to prepare the coffee, I know that Jules will only sleep for 5 minutes because I won't feel close to him anymore, I take off a shirt that belongs to my dear husband and I dress in his white shirt, I go to the coffee machine and start to make the coffee, as I was right, Jules woke up, I didn't hear him when he got out of bed, he came straight to me and picked me up in his arms from behind and kissed my hair, then he put his head on my shoulder.

"Bonjour mon amour" Jules says to me with his voice slightly hoarse from sleep, which I adored, I always adored his voice, it was quieter, he never raised his voice to me or other people, but his accent was dead after him, especially when he spoke in French, I was crazy about him

"Good morning my dear, how did you sleep? Are you ready for the race?" I asked him that he is always very emotional before a race, and I was always there for him when he needed me, and he was with me when I needed him. 

"I'm very emotional, and I have a feeling that something bad is going to happen, but I don't know what it will be, I better leave this thought and focus on my beautiful wife" he tells me and turns my face to him  and kisses me passionately.

Our lips are like puzzle pieces that always match, he puts his hands around my waist and I approach him and I put my hands around his neck and run my fingers through his hair at the base of his neck, he prolongs the kiss but I  remove

"We don't have time for that, you have to get ready for the race and let's get to the garage for the final preparations for today"

"I know my love, but I want to spend more time with you" he tells me and rests his forehead on mine

"Jules, the love of my life, I know you want to stay with me, but if we stay like this for a long time, the coffee will get cold and we won't have time to make anything to eat and we'll be late and the team won't  be too happy if we are late on the day of the race," I explained

I see him processing the information I told him and I see him nod his head approvingly and he goes to take two headlamps from the drawer, puts them on the kitchen counter and stops and looks at me.

"You didn't say that we can't be late, let's make something to eat and drink coffee, maybe we'll take a shower together, but now the number one priority is to make food" he tells me and I feel even more attracted  by him .

I look at him as he moves to the mini fridge in the small kitchen and takes the carton of eggs and bacon from it to make it, I was always by his side, Jules has a balanced diet and I accepted this diet, but on Sundays either  as they are race days, the two of us do something easy to prepare, I leave him to cook and I go back to reheat the coffee.

"Mon ange, the meal is ready. How about we eat outside on the balcony? It's a little cold but I'll give you one of my hoodies, I know they're your favorite."

"Okay, let's eat on the balcony and anyway we'll warm up from the coffee and thank you for letting me wear your clothes, I like that they're bigger and have your smell, your perfume, just the idea that they're yours makes me crazy about them"

He goes to our suitcase and takes out a white sweatshirt, he comes to me and gives it to me, when I go to get the headlights, Jules comes and takes them from my hand and kisses me on the forehead and goes to the balcony, then he comes and takes the mugs  coffee and I stayed in the small kitchen looking after him and he comes again and stands in front of me and looks into my eyes and I see him bend down and then he takes me in his arms bridal style and takes me to the balcony and sits me down  on the chair, I look up but he leans down and kisses me, I will never get tired of his kisses.

"Bon appetite mon ange" he says and takes a mouthful of coffee

"Bon appetit my ange"

We eat quietly and look at the weather in Japan, every minute that passes more and more the weather changes and it rains more and more and it is colder and my fear grows more and more

"Please don't participate in the race today, please Jules" I beg him not to go today, I don't want anything to happen to him, I can't allow anything to happen to him, I can't bear to see him even with a cold

"Amalia, it's my job, I know it's dangerous but it's always been and I promised you something not only at the wedding but I also promised you at the first race you went to when we got together. I understand that you're afraid that it will  you're losing me, but nothing like that will happen, nothing will happen. What did I promise you, Amalia?"

"That you will always come back to me" I say and lower my head

"What are you afraid of?"  he asks me

"There were so many accidents, you know I always sit with my heart in my throat at every race and I can't just sit and watch what happens. I can't Jules"

"I understand you! I've always come back, I've always come back to you and I always will, I've been your husband for 5 years, and we've been together since 15, I love you and I'll always be with you"

I look at him and think about what he said, he's right, he always came back to me and that was also part of our wedding vows.  We are both 25 years old and we have been together since we were 15, I am lucky to have him by my side and maybe he is right.  He won't leave me.  It will always come back to me.