This is not a suicide note. More of a " I'm fucking tired of this and i feel like shit" type of thing. Social Anxiety is the one thing weighing me down. I hate being in a
room full people and not talking the whole time. Standing there feeling like everybody is watching me, criticizing every thing that I do. Sitting at the dinner table and thinking before everything that I say, then that night going over all of it. Wondering if it was okay and thinking about it to much. I hate going to school and taking tests I'm sure I am going to fail.Sitting at the lunch table surrounded by people, but never talking or being talked to. Standing on the outside of a group of people, trying to fit in but never being able to. Making jokes and feeling like they are stupid and idiotic. And moving to a new school doesn't help. It makes me feel more vulnerable and lonely. And going home and not being able to make conversation with your own family is the worst thing. And people with there quotes and tips can go fuck them self.
It doesn't help to think of conversation starters, or jokes, it makes me feel more awkward and stupid. And to hate yourself and think you're just making up an anxiety and thinking it's all in your head. And being to afraid of peoples reactions to tell anyone. I hate it. I feel like shit and long nights thinking over every thing you said and did don't help. Sometimes I feel so alone in the world. Afraid of what will happen if I speak or do something out of line.
If there is one thing I want anyone to take from this is, don't force anyone into a social gathering if they don't want to and if someone says they have an illness, mental or physical, you fucking respect that person and don't fuck with them. Learn that from these small rant.
