❝ what if i told you if you given me the chance, i could love you properly? flaws and all. ❞
❝ we're both broken as hell, how could you love me 'properly' if we both have issues? ❞
❝ i mean, there's a first time for everything, right? ❞
❝ you're truly something else, mr. jackson. ❞
── 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐄𝐋 and 𝐑𝐄𝐘𝐍𝐀, 1985.
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fame.
because it is the highest level of social status, it always feels like a hefty crown on the head.
from dawn to when the sun set, your every move was being watched, others are continuously envious, and you must be cautious of the intents of those around you. this was reyna solace's life; in fact, it was all she knew since the age of eight. of course, there are the fans that supported her wholeheartedly, who simply wanted to say "hi" and get her attention, but there's a darker side to it all, one that isn't lauded and rarely discussed.
if reyna was given the opportunity to change her life, she would not hesitate to do whatever it needed to reclaim the normalcy she had lost. this was one of the drawbacks of having such success. yes, people will give you things, and yes, men and women will jump at whatever opportunity given to throw themselves at you.
however, you will lose a lot in the process. people controlled you; there was no such thing as "privacy," and your life became the world's life, with others deciding what you can and cannot do. they will even chase you down alleyways to get to you. just to see you. it is a type of wealth many wished for, but just like everything else, it came with a price.
a very hefty crown.
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▍LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA. DECEMBER 23, 1983.
today wasn't the best day for the superstar and it was evident.
thinking about what her life could've been had always elicited a range of feelings in the young woman. throughout the years, she has managed to keep a 'stoned-face, wall-up, no emotions, and just function though', but today was different. it was the twelfth anniversary of her father's death. then on top of that, her mental health has been spiraling out of control lately.
that's how reyna found herself in front of the enormous vanity mirror with tear-streaked cheeks.
she despised it when she became 'overly emotional', knowing that someone could walk in, see her in this state, and ask the dumbest question of all time, "are you okay?" when clearly she wasn't.
trying her best to suppress her emotions like usual, reyna knew that in a few minutes one of the staff members would be knocking on her door, reminding her how much time she had till it was her turn to hit the stage. she was performing at the rose bowl in pasenada for a special christmas weekend festival her company put together, just great, reyna thought.
she peered in the vanity mirror, her eyes adjusting to the bright lights after taking several deep breaths to calm herself down; just like her therapist taught her. she wasn't surprised to see that her makeup had been smeared or that the spark in her eyes she took for granted was long gone; they were now dull and slightly puffy from all the crying she had just done. reyna then proceeded to grab whatever supplies needed from the table and gently began rubbing the products in to conceal any imperfections.
after she was done, reyna sighed then glanced at the clock to her left to see that it was well over seven o'clock; making a quick reminder that she has to take her medication soon. she hated the fact that anytime she had a 'meltdown', she had to cover up the pain behind makeup and 'keep your emotions to yourself, you have nothing to be sad about,' ❪ in the words of her dear mother. ❫ she instantly gathered herself and disregarded the painful thoughts as her eyes watered again.
for the concert, reyna wore a sparkling black jumpsuit for the special occasion. with every move she made, the sparkles danced ever so bright. the outfit was paired with these sparkling silver hoops and a forty carat tennis necklace. her hair was styled in a slick back with a swoop. reyna's styling team thought it would be a good idea to put little diamonds in her hair. now don't get reyna wrong, she knew she looked beautiful, she just wished she felt it.
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when a loud knock on her dressing room door jolted her out of her gloomy thoughts, she cleared her throat and shouted. "come in!" the fellow staff member did as instructed while holding up the number five, motioning that she had five minutes till it was time for her to perform her set. reyna took one last look in the mirror, doing a quick touch-up on her hair.
plastering a big, but fake smile on her face as she walked out of the dressing room was something reyna wasn't new to. it was like a natural instinct to her. hell, she even scared herself sometimes on how she could be crying one moment and pretending like everything's okay the next. she simply didn't want to be the cause of someone's discomfort or to let them see her in such a vulnerable state. she learned her lesson at a very young age thanks to her mother and the industry.
as she was given her customized microphone and putting the matching earpieces in her ears, the singer heard extremely loud chants of her name echoing throughout the stadium the more she walked closer and closer towards the stage. the more reyna stared, the more every sound that was previously so clear, faded into the background as white noise. everything around her, including the chants and the staff talking, seemed to fade into strange whispers.
she was no longer the reyna who initially began out in the industry— the excited but naive young girl who only wanted to be on stage, who would do anything to reach this level of fame, who wanted to be one of the greatest among her idols'. but now she understands that everything comes with a price. if she only knew it would be a price she would constantly pay for.
