Hidden feelings (JoshxMully)

Guess who's back?

*TW: Self harm*

Josh's POV:

It had been a week since I had found out Gaege was cheating on me and life had been pretty shit. Narrator was amazing and had been checking up on me everyday by calling and texting. Mully had been very supporting and held me as I cried. Neither of them knew that I had began cutting.

I only had about ten cuts on each arm but I knew I shouldn't be doing it and should just talk to someone. I felt like if I told Narrator or Mully they'd just tell me I'm being overdramatic so I just kept it to myself. I wouldn't do it often just every third or second day when I felt really unstable and Mully wasn't home. 

I would also drink a lot of alcohol while Mully was not home or asleep and then he'd see the state I was in and worry. He had told Narrator about it and Narrator tried to help me but I just couldn't stop. It felt good to be drunk and not have a care in the world for a while until I became sober again and felt like the world was ending. I just wanted temporary relief from the pain.

I felt bad for doing this to Mully since he hated seeing me in such a vulnerable state but I couldn't help it. I knew he would probably leave sooner or later, fed up with all my shit. I had nightmares every single night about him leaving me and would often wake up sobbing with Mully awake and concerned beside me. 

Mully had helped me put all my stuff away and had set up all my recording stuff but I still hadn't recorded a video for my channel. I knew everyone would ask why the boys had ended and I wouldn't be able to cope. I hadn't posted on any of my social medias and I knew all my fans would be worried. Mully had tried to convince me to start recording again but nothing worked.

I sighed as I stood up and walked into Mully's recording room where he was sitting on a chair recording a reaction video with Joe. Mully heard me walk in and looked up and gave me a small smile. I heard Joe say something but I couldn't make out what it was as I sat down on the chair beside Mully. I rested my head on his shoulder as I stared at the screen. 

"Do you want to join?" Mully asked as he looked down at me. I nodded my head and he turned back to look back at Joe and informed him that I was joining. Mully pulled up a video and I sort of watched it but I wasn't paying too much attention. I had just wanted to be near Mully. I yawned as we watched a few more videos with Joe before Mully ended the recording. 

Mully's POV:

I looked down at Josh who still had his head resting on my shoulder. I looked back at my computer and sent the recording to my editor. I heard Josh yawn so I looked back down at him with a small smile on my face. 

"Can we record a video together? Explaining why the boys ended." Josh said and my mouth hung open in shock. I knew we were going to record a video to explain what happened but I didn't expect it to be so soon.

"Okay, are you sure?" I asked and Josh nodded his head as he took his head off my shoulder. I pulled up the camera and hit the record button. 

"Hello everyone, you all deserve an explanation for why the boys ended and here it is." I started before looking down at Josh. He stared into the camera with a scared expression on his face. I rested my hand on top of his and reassuringly rubbed my thumb over the back of it. He took a deep breath.

"The reason is because Gaege and I broke up in a tragic way. I found out that he had been cheating on me with Eddie." Josh said into the camera as I tear rolled down his cheek. I smiled at him before hugging him close to my chest deciding to finish the video myself.

"Don't try to contact Josh and ask anymore questions about it as he doesn't like talking about it." I stated as I stared into the camera. I looked down at Josh who had began to sob quietly into my chest.