Living with Borderline Personality Disorder

How I Live with BPD Today

I wish I could say that I am completely healed and I never deal with the aftermath of trauma anymore, but that is not true, and I am okay with that today! Some days, or weeks are really hard, and I sometimes feel like I am regressing back to that terrifying life I once lived. But today, I am able to utilize the tools I have learned through therapy and other supports to stop that regression in its path and turn it around before I lose control again. My current romantic relationship was put on hold for awhile due to, not only my BPD but also my addiction to meth and fentynal, which spiraled after our breakup. My current boyfriend had never dealt with someone with BPD before and didn't understand why I was behaving the way that I was. He still stuck by me and tried to understand, but eventually took a step back from the relationship when he had found out that I relapsed on substances. We continued to stay in each others lives, as friends, and planned to work on ourselves so we could eventually come back together in the future. The break up had a significant positive impact on my healing process because it showed me that breakup doesn't necessarily mean abandonment. I was able to deal with my abandonment fears, and insecurities of no longer being in a romantic relationship in a healthy way for the first time since being diagnosed. Our friendship has allowed me to grow so much and we have been able to learn so much about each other and how we both communicate, listen to one another and feel love from others. Through continued therapy and recently starting EMDR, I have been able to compile a support team, tools that actually work when combating trauma responses and so much hope that I will be able to continue living a happy, healthy life. I am so glad that I took that chance and  leap for healing. I hope whoever is reading this, has found it helpful and is inspired to seek help for themselves.