Anaxiphilia | Taekook Fanfic

Listen to my heart

Taehyung was lying in his bed, completely tucked up in the soft and warm blanket, as if to hide himself. His eyes blinked repeatedly, staring the ceiling above him from last hour. There was completely darkness which engulfed his room, but it also felt like it was exceeding upto his heart. The darkness of his room was making a way to his shining heart, the heart which was always rich in love and happiness was now getting filled with sorrows and sadness as the time passed.

As the time of his brother going to propose his girlfreind, who he has been dating since last 3 years drew closer, Taehyung felt himself drowning deeper and deeper into the ocean of sorrow, to the point that he just wanted to erase the trace of himself from this world. In this way, he wouldn't be a curse and disgusting piece of shit to his parents and his step brother. Who falls for their own brother? No one. But, he did. He fell for him. He fell for Jungkook; his one and only brother.

The secret was hard to keep. Really hard. It was hard to stop himself from breaking down in front of Jungkook, whenever he kissed his girlfreind in front of his bare eyes. It was hard to keep his broken heart at peace whenever he saw the emotions covering Jungkook’s eyes, whenever he stared his girlfreind. It was hard to stop the tremble of his whole body from the whips of Jungkook’s words that he wanted to start a family with her. It was hard to sit with his parents and Jungkook on the dining table and listen to them planning Jungkook’s wedding with her.

It wasn't hard to fall for him, it was hard to keep the love part inside. It was hard to keep the biggest secret of his life inside and allow it to kill him. It wasn't hard to love him, it wasn't. Jungkook was the person who was really easy to love. But, it was hard to stop the love blooming in his heart for him. It was out of his control. He doesn't even know how the flowers of his love bloomed, but they just bloomed and made his heart their permanent home.

They stayed in Taehyung’s heart, even when the knives of Jungkook’s emotions for his girlfreind tried to erase every single trace of them. Love for Jungkook still stayed. It stayed.  This is how strong his feelings were for Jungkook.

Taehyung felt his heart-rate increasing when he heard the footsteps coming closer to his room. He was coming. Jungkook was coming. His mind screamed, but what he could even do? Nothing. He couldn't run, he couldn't hide himself, he couldn't let it all out, he couldn't do anything. He could just lay there and wait for him. He could just smile in front of him and wish him good luck. He could just hug and and pat his shoulder. This was what he could do as a brother. And he will do it.

Wasn't this what love demanded? Wasn't this what people do who can't have the person they love? Pray for them to be happy, even if it's not with them. So, that was what he was going to do. He will pray for Jungkook to be happy, even if its not with him. He isn't even going to be his, even if it's not with her then it will be another girl. No matter what happens, Jungkook’s not going to be his. At least, not in this life.

His eyes screwed shut when he heard the door of his clicking open, and the footsteps entered. As the intensity of the sound of his footsteps increased, Taehyung’s heart-rate along with his huge urge to wipe himself off increased. He flinched a little when the lights of his room were turned on, and nonchalantly he had to open his eyes. He had to face him.

Gulping down the storm of tears bubbling in himself, he opened his eyes and met his eyes with Jungkook’s. Taehyung’s dark and gloomy eyes met with Jungkook’s eyes which were shining and sparkling with happiness. Completely opposite to that of Taehyung's.

Taehyung and Jungkook stared each other for a minute, with Taehyung being aware how different and out of phase they both were. A sincere and soul-full smile covered Jungkook’s rosy lips, but a forced and fake smile coveted Taehyung's. Jungkook was happy from inside and outside, but Taehyung was sobbing inside with his happy self masking his screaming one. Jungkook’s whole figure trembled from the nervousness of being rejected, but Taehyung's whole body trembled from the fear of losing himself; from the fear of breaking down in front of Jungkook on his big day after hiding his love from all those years.