Dear Diary:
The year is 2000, and I can't stop listening to Kryptonite by 3 doors down, and I won't stop. No matter how many times Alfred asks me to. My favorite line is, "Well, I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind, I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time." They are more than a band, they are a manifestation of smooth post grunge-alternative music.
As I was saying, it's 2000 and nothing bad could happen after Sony released their new console the PS2. It's a peaceful time of bland suits, casual misogyny and those damn kids on my lawn.
My heart breaks for the women I see wearing stilettos and high heels, I wore a pair for 5 hours today while working, I have newfound respect for these women that go on 10k's wearing them. I wore a "I heart women" badge to show this respect. No one saw it cause I haven't left my home in a week, but it's the thought that counts. I even wore it in the shower because I'm that dedicated, the water washed the blood away anyway.
I think I'll go outside today to scope the neighborhood for any riffraff that might cause trouble. I'm just scared after I got hit with that crowbar, the bruises haven't gone away. It's a constant reminder of how I should've dodged left and not to the right. I usually avoid conflict but they did not pay for public transit, and I could not idly stand by while our fine drivers and city officials were being taken advance of like that.
I should tell you, I got hit with that crowbar, and the other 2 guys hit me with a bat and a wrench. After they left, I broke my record of time crying in the street, 24 minutes and 17 seconds, I set a timer on my phone. This breaks my previous record of 18 minutes and 45 seconds. I try to grow in all aspects of life.
I just got back from my night time prowl, I saw a boy take ice cream from a fatty. I came to the conclusion that I would not help her, obesity is a problem in America and I was only enabling her if I stepped in. I saw a man take a old lady's bag, I ran to stop him and save the day. They don't tell you how fast these criminals are, he was 3 blocks away in seconds. He must have wanted it more than I wanted to catch him, and I admire that persistence. I returned home after sulking on a roof for 45 minutes and working on my deep voice. I realized after returning home I ran out of deodorant two weeks ago, that's what that smell was.
It's been two days and I still haven't gotten deodorant, I've become accustomed to the smell of rotting corpses. I was not successful in my last hunt so I've stayed inside since then, nothing has happened, just a few murders and some building burned down. I can only do much, I almost caught that criminal let's be honest, 3 blocks is not that many. I've decided today I'm gonna work on my catchphrase to with my deep voice.
It's been another two days, after another night of stalking the corrupted scum, to no avail I've decided I need to bulk up. I've had Alfred punch me every 29 minutes to strengthen my resolve. On top of this I've stopped eating 5 cheeseburgers a day, we're down to 3. I realized I can't do a pull up so Alfred helps me go up so I don't end up crying for 13 minutes.
It's been one day. I stayed up all night, I have my catchphrase.
I am strength, I am a fast man, I am the speedster. You won't be able to hit me again because I am Batman. I think I should work on it.
