Drowning Lessons

1

To say Awsten felt like he was drowning was an understatement, the memory playing in his mind on loop like a broken record he just couldn't get rid of...the moment his life became hell and his perfect world he lived in crumbled underneath him.

Awsten knew heart break. He knew what a break up felt like and how much it sucked to have your heart ripped apart by the person you poured all your love and soul too but this time was different...this time he felt like he couldn't breathe almost like he was drowning.

One facetime with his now ex girlfriend who was drunk sleeping with some stranger in what they use to call "their" bed causing him to spiral into a cycle of silent depression and hate but not towards her... towards himself. 

But tour had to go on right?  he still had to sing all the stupid songs that he wrote about her and act like it wasn't ripping his soul out his body doing so even when he messed up the lyrics choking on his own sobs whilst tears ran down his face in front of hundreds of people.

He still had to do interviews every day even though he hadn't slept the night before because he was too busy being sick in the tour bus toilet due to crying so much or the fact he probably hasn't ate a real meal in weeks.

Everyone on the bus knew about the break up how could they not? Geoff even suggested just ending the tour so Awsten could take a break and heal in his own space and time with support from himself , Otto and Jawn but Awsten couldn't bring himself to let fan down let alone the label would destroy him if he pulled out. He already felt selfish knowing the guys could hear him cry in his bunk every night let alone Geoff finding him mid panic attack on the bathroom floor one night after a show to the point Awsten was on the edge of passing out. Geoff felt like it was forever ago he had to calm Awsten down from a panic attack so violent but here they were once again and Geoff's heart broke for his best friend.

But this night was different.

All the boys were in the hotel bar. It was rare for the boys to have a day off let alone get a hotel to stay in due to the label being so tight but here they where somewhere with a working shower and a comfortable bed for the night before hitting it back onto the road the next day probably with a hangover.

Awsten watched all his friends swallow drink after drink, laughing and joking between them all just enjoying having some time to relax talking about the tour so far and all he could do at that moment in time was wish he could do the same. Awsten wasn't one for drinking, he was always the sober guy at the party but he would kill for his thoughts just to disappear even for an hour or so.

Pulling out his phone from his skinny jeans pocket hoping the small mobile he held so tight in his hands would stop his spiralling thoughts he saw a Twitter notification on his phone screen.

"Single and free, so happy to have that weight off my shoulders"

It was her and Awsten felt sick the air around him all of a sudden feeling thick. His phone slipping out his hand and onto the floor causing Geoff to turn his attention to the now pale Awsten and the smile he once wore on his face to fade to a look of worry for his best friend as he watched Awsten get up and quickly walk towards the toilets out of the bar and down the hall. Awsten could have swore he blocked all her socials so something like this wouldn't happen but there it was her name in bold letter on his home screen and it felt like he had needles under his skin.  

"Awsten? You in here buddy?" Geoff asked as he walked into the bathrooms looking around for the purple haired boy.

He knew Awsten hated all the attention being on him and that he would rather suffer alone than drag his friends into things its the way the younger boy has always been or for as long as Geoff could remember that's why he said to the others if Awsten didn't come back in 10 minutes he would go check on him and surly enough 15 minutes had passed and the boy hadn't returned to the group.

Geoff stayed silent for a second listening out for any sort of noise showing that the younger boy was in the bathrooms and surely enough there was a small sniffle followed by a cough sound from the last cubicle causing Geoff's heart to break.

Geoff slowly walked towards the cubicle stopping in front of the dirty looking off green door and softly placing his hand on it taking a deep breath in before speaking.

"Aws" Geoff said in a soft tone not wanting to startle the young boy as he softly pushed the door, which Geoff was shocked to see was open and not in fact locked as it slowly opened to reveal a fragile body crawled up in a ball on the floor causing his stomach to turn.

"Don't come closer" a broken voice spoke filling the empty bathroom, Awsten's face buried into his knees which are pulled up into his chest causing Geoff to stop in his tracks before getting any closer to the broken boy.

"She tweeted...she's happy" Awsten said before looking up at Geoff his eyes glassy and his face red from crying or from being sick.

"She's fucking happy Geoff" he said harshly the look on his face was a mixture of anger and heart break something Geoff wasn't really use to seeing on his best friends face and honestly Geoff felt lost for words. Awsten was normally the light in the room, his laugh so loud and bright causing everyone around him to smile and this girl has destroyed that and Geoff didn't know how to repair the broken pieces left behind. 

"Aws she isn't worth this" was all that he could manage to spit out his mouth, something Awsten was honestly sick of hearing even when he knew Geoff was only trying to help and the words he spoke were right.

"I WAS GONNA ASK HER TO MARRY ME GEOFF!" Awsten spat now standing up anger filling his body.

The thing was he wasn't angry at Geoff he was angry at himself. He was angry he let all this happen, it was all his fault she cheated on him after all right?

He was never home when she needed him, was always too busy making music and touring and never giving her enough attention... it was his fault. No matter all the times he would call her seconds after stepping off of stage, when he would facetime her in his bunk when really he should be trying to catch sleep for the next show the following day or even when having a days break he would try his best to fly back even if it was to only hold her for an hour or two in his arms nothing he did was ever enough... and it was all his fault. 

"Aws" was all Geoff managed to get out before Awsten cut him off.

"I can't do this Geoff, I'm going up to the hotel room" Awsten said his voice was quiet like all emotion had left his body at this point, leaving the small cubicle and pushing past Geoff catching him off guard a little.

"Awsten you shouldn't be alone right now I just found you...please just let me help" he spoke softly placing a hand on Awsten's shoulder causing Awsten to stop in his tracks and turn around. He could hear the pain in Geoff's voice, the pain he was causing and he hated that.

"I'll be fine...if I need you ill call you, go back to the guys... can't have them getting too drunk we still have to continue tour in the morning" Awsten's tone was now clam a bit too calm for Geoff's liking all Awsten need to add was a fake laugh but he knew better than to fight Awsten because no matter the fight the both of them got into Awsten would win and they were sharing a hotel room tonight anyhow so Geoff could always get into the room if he started to feel uneasy about leaving his best friend alone when he probably needs a shoulder to cry on and as Awsten did have a point in saying that he was just a phone call and a lift ride away.

"You need me you call me, got it?" Geoff said squeezing Awsten's shoulder a little only earning a simple nod back from the purple haired boy but I suppose a nod was better than no repose at all.

Both the boys left the bathrooms together, Awsten stopping  in the middle of the hall towards the lift and Geoff continuing forward back towards the bar were Otto and Jawn were sat, probably onto their fourth or so drink talking about something nobody else but them would understand. Both Otto and Jawn knew better than to follow Geoff to find Awsten, all three of them going would just overwhelm the poor fragile purple head which was something they didn't want at this moment in time.

Geoff was about to open the large glass door to the bar until a quiet voice behind him caught him off guard.

"I love you Gee" 

 Geoff quickly turned around taking his hand off the door handle but before he could respond the lift door was closing and his best friend was gone.