I'll Raise Hell For You // Michael Langdon

The first time I saw him

I was a troubled kid, depressed and lonely. Even though I had a kind heart, my parents only saw the dark side of me. My depression stemmed from a place of loneliness, from my parents emotionally neglecting me, from never knowing my place in this world.

By my late teens I had attempted suicide twice, each time my parents scorned me. Not because they were worried or terrified of losing me, but because I would tarnish their reputation, give our family a bad name.
They had warned me, one more attempt and I would be sent away to live in a mental hospital, permanently.

I wasn't afraid of their threats. Of course I didn't want to end up in a mental hospital, but I knew I wouldn't. I would make this attempt work.

Third time's the charm.
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I fell asleep peacefully after taking the pills, twice as many as I took last time. There was no doubt in my mind that I would never wake up again.

But I did.

I awoke to a glaring white light, at first I  thought I was in heaven. Though when my eyes adjusted I realized I was in a hospital room, with an all white interior and lights blaring down at me. I laid in the hospital bed for days trying to process what happened. My brain wasn't working as well as before, it took countless days, nights and medicine to be able to think properly again.

The mental hospital was a boring place. That's the best way to describe it. There are no colors except white and light blue, no sounds except snoring and crying, and of course the occasional screaming bloody murder. It wasn't a horrible place to be, but I was not happy. I was completely alone, completely abandoned by the world.

After a while in the hospital I developed a daily routine,

Wake up, eat, take medicine, stare out the window, eat, take medicine, go to sleep.

Most of my day consisted of staring out the small window in my room. I could see two birch trees and a large brick wall. Occasionally I would see birds sitting in the birch trees, and rabbits running by them. All day I sat there, and wished I could go outside, and touch them. Hear the birds, see the rabbits, feel the breeze.

I feared that for the rest of my life I would be trapped in this tiny square room. One thought paced through my head every second of every day,

I am in hell.
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There was only one good thing in this place. Mrs. Shire. She was the nurse that brought me food and medicine twice a day. She was kind and funny. I only saw her for a short amount of time each day but in that time she always tried to cheer me up.

"Now what are you doing staring out that window again? Didn't I tell you to read some of the magazines I brought you? I sneaked a look at the ones my daughter was reading, so id know which ones to get you. Don't tell her though." She said with a wink.

I smiled but didn't look away from the window.
She sighed then sat down on my bed next to me.

"It's her birthday today actually. Shes turning 12. I can't believe how fast she grew up." Her voice sounded slightly melancholic. I glanced up at her sad face and she quickly put on a smile.

"Well anyways, I brought you your medications and some dinner. I convinced the cook to make mashed potatoes today since I know they are your favorite." She cheerfully said.

I kept my eyes on the window, my mind was pondering on other things.

"Well I'll let you be, call me if you need me ok darlin?" She patted my head and started walking towards the door.

"Mrs. Shire?" I said quietly but eagerly.

She turned around and met my eyes that had moved away from the window.