Memories of Bloodstained White Roses - Classroom of the Elite

Chapter 2

Love.

What did this foreign concept mean to him? Was it something he needed? Something he desired? A word unfamiliar to him that had no room to exist in the environment devoid of any emotion he grew up in. Some days he would simply ask himself if he was capable of this love that he had heard so much about. On others he would dismiss it as something that would never be useful to him and would only hold him back. He was split between the two sides. The side of humanity and the side of perfection. To be human was to be imperfect. He knew he was not perfect, he was extremely flawed, but it had been instilled in him his entire life that he was to strive for utmost perfection in every way. But someone incapable of even the most basic of emotions in all areas could hardly be considered perfect. He knew he was the most defective student in the school. Past all the delinquents and other awful people, even past the White Room students who shared the same origin as him. He was just a broken child, exploring the world for the first time.

Never had Kiyotaka thought that his lack of love would harm the only one who had ever loved him. The one who taught him what it was like to feel loved. He couldn't even feel despair for her situation, he could only rationally accept it as truth. However, this time he wanted to save her. He wanted to put in a genuine effort to save someone that he considered to be special. No matter what the cost. Even if it meant shattering the heart of the first person who ever loved him.

Kei came over to Kiyotaka's dorm room that night. It would be the last time they would have to meet in secret, but it would also be an important discussion for them to have regarding her condition. When she was let in, she could somewhat sense a feeling of unease from him, but they tried to get settled first before talking about current matters.

They ate dinner first, with a lingering presence of anxiety that loomed over the room. When Kei coughed out more petals while they were eating, Kiyotaka quickly got up to help her. It wasn't one of the worst flare ups, just what she had started to consider normal.

Eventually, when the mood hadn't managed to untense yet, Kiyotaka brought up the issue they had been avoiding.

"I'm so sorry that you have hanahaki disease. I...don't even know what I can do."

She smiled sadly, "It's okay. If even you can't think of a solution then there's nothing we can do. You love me after all, there's just a mistake." His face expressed disappointment when she brushed off her condition as a mistake. It would make things easier to explain if she wasn't trapped in a delusion, but he could somewhat understand where she was coming from trying to deny the cause. He would have to break this reality of hers.

"No. The simple truth is: I do not love you."

"Wh-what?"

Ayanokoji Kiyotaka did not love Karuizawa Kei.

Everything around her came crashing down in an instant. Her fantasy which she had tried so hard to uphold was shattered by those five words. It couldn't be true, she wouldn't let it be true. Kei felt the room start to spin. She had forgotten to breathe, but now she couldn't. A muffled call of her name could be heard, but it was hard to make out whether she imagined it or it was him who said it.

Suddenly regaining her senses, she coughed out another whole bloom. Kiyotaka was stationed in front of her, trying his best to assist her. Once again seeing his face, she started to cry. Through her tears all she could force out was one word. "Why?"

He wiped off her tears and spoke in a gentle voice, "I'm sorry, I just can't. It's nothing that you've done." He looked down at the floor, avoiding her gaze, and continued with utmost sincerity, "I have never felt love towards anyone in my life. I had a small hope deep inside that maybe you would show me how, but realistically I knew that I wouldn't change."