05 - The Coif

Chapter 6

We are not going into philosophy this morning. There is no economics tuto this week. It's a free day. But she wanted to play in the morning anyway, to keep my brain down, just for fun. It took me a long time to be able to focus, and I had to persuade her that it's not possible to study without clothes. Does she become more perverse than before? It's like she wants to torture herself.

We work most of the day on all the lately accumulated delays. Somehow, it's a blessing this time. Otherwise, we would have been in bed all day. I would like to be a whole day in bed with her. It will come.

Instead, we work really well, and Stephanie prepares our meals.

At the end of the afternoon, she prepares her bags.

— Are you sure you don't want to come with me?  

— No, but you can stay.

— I have to see my parents from time to time. And you still have to tell your stories to daddy.

— Are you coming to the Cocotier tomorrow?  

— I don't know yet. We have the phone; I'll keep you posted.

I walk her back to her car. She has a lot of bags.

— Stephanie, you know... I would like you to stay with me. I wouldn't want you to think that... well... that... if you're in your period, I don't want to see you. I love that you are near me all the time.

She takes me in her arms.

— You see? I know you are not like that, but it makes me very happy that you tell me.  

She kisses me in her own way.

— It's really hard, but I'm still with my parents, I have to go see them. You are the best boyfriend in the world. I call you. I'm coming to pick you up in La Hulpe on Sunday evening anyway.

We kiss one last time, and she leaves.

A little loneliness makes me feel good. Yet barely has she left my arms to get into her car that I miss her already. It's dangerous to be in love. It's dangerous to love.

I start with a long jog around the lake, then I go to eat spaghetti at the Cadet. The city is very calm. I go to my little studio that I haven't visited for a long time. She emptied everything, there are only a few personal belongings, records and sound equipment left. I want to see that but I haven't found the key yet. I then go to the agency to pay my rent. The secretary yells at me because I'm late. She reminds me that she gave it to me when there were lots of people on it.

— Really sorry, I'll make an automatic payment from my account. Give me your bank details...

And then what? Does this mean that I will have the money on the account and if there is just one franc short, the transfer won't be made? 

I think back to the last few months. I left my parents exactly four months ago. I struggled a bit before quickly finding this little studio, my first "home". I only lived there for a little over two months. Stephanie quickly brought me into her life. At Easter, when we were seniors in high school, she was already planning that we were going to take a small two-bedroom apartment and live together. I thought it was great, with a slight downside, I wanted to live alone, without reporting to anyone. Living with Stephanie was my dream, even if my parents probably would not have paid for an apartment in Louvain-la-Neuve when it is very close to Genval. On the other hand, living with Stephanie means doing whatever she wants, living according to her principles and her whims.  

But I could have seen it all coming, I know Stephanie well enough to know that she likes to control everything, especially to decide for me and to make me accept her desires. This need has increased over the years, I thought it would peak in senior last year, but since we started dating it got even worse.