One Summer To Remember

Mistakes

Mistakes are normal for me; my first mistake would be being born in the first place but I won't go into that. Growing up, I have learned that there will never be a day I don't screw up. I would hear people say that, "Mistakes happen, everyone makes mistakes." But I make too many and everyone notices, their stares tear my skin apart and scream through the hollow caves of my body, the echoes growing louder instead of softer. My body is a sick and twisted mess full of lies and hate, my body is a mistake. I am a curse from who knows where, a monster creeping under an innocents bed. Without even making one move, something happens and it's all my fault. My creation, my being, my existence was never meant to be. And the price to live this unwelcomed invite to life has left me wilting like a flower on ice. I am stuck in this endless loop, my fate was set from when I first looked at the Earth. Its only a matter of time until the problems Ive been running from will catch up to me, Ive never been a fast runner but I can hide. Though these problems and mistakes will split up into thousands in search of me, and they will never let me be. People say, "You'll have to face your fears one day." But I face my fear everyday and nothing ever works, I'm thinking of not looking into the mirror at all. My reflection is only a lie, the only thing I can really see is a blur. A blur of anger and hatred towards myself, fear every morning of what I'll do today, and sorrow.

"Cameron!" I jumped a little and looked up to see Elizabeth looking at me. Kacey and Josh seemed to be gone, everyone seemed to be leaving. "Oh, hm? Did you say something?" Elizabeth sighed, "Yes, were leaving to go back to our cabins. Did you not hear anything? You were out of it for at least 15 minutes." I looked around, "Oh, sorry." Elizabeth got up, "Its okay. Lets go back now." I slowly stood up but my mind was telling me to go back down. (Theres no point in going back, only to see Claire again and Kacey. I dont want to see anyone at the moment.) 
Once we got back to the cabin, I couldnt help but look sour. I felt sour and sick, I just wanted to leave. Claire looked at me, "You looked like you had seen a ghost in there, your mind has always been somewhere else right Cam? Your so weird." I looked at Claire, "Oh I'm weird? You stared at me the whole time, there wasnt a second I couldnt feel you burning me with your awful gaze." Claire stared into my eyes, "Why would I look at you, your not anything to look at anyway. Not even worth a single glance." Elizabeth climbed on the top bunk, most likely for cover if a fight breaks out. I smiled, "Okay Claire, I know people dont like to look my way but at least I like it that way. Your just yearning for someones look and attention. And you sure know how to get it, am I right?" Claire got up from her bunk and jumped down infront of me. She put her hair up like that would do anything. "Are you looking for a fight?" I shrugged, "Claire if its you I'm fighting I dont think its worth my time."

"I dont think its worth anyones time." I turned to see Kacey in the doorway. "Whats this all about? Why are you two always at eachothers throats, its only been a couple hours. Poor Elizabeth is hiding on her bunk to get away from you two." I drooped my head low and Claire rolled her eyes. Kacey crossed her arms, "Did you two not listen to anything I said up there? The rules?" Claire pointed at me, "She was the one who started it and she wasnt even listening to you anyway! She was too busy in her own little world to notice anything!" I looked at Claire, "Why are you so mad?! I have done nothing to you!" Kacey got in between us, "Enough! If I have to call both of your parents to come pick you up I will, because this is unacceptable!" Claire shook her head, "Wait please! I want to stay, please don't I.... ..." I tuned out Claires stupid voice, her stupid begs and soon to be her stupid, fake apology. I snap back to reality, "Go ahead and call my parents I never wanted to go to this stupid camp anyway! All its done is make me want to go back home even more!" I could tell I said something wrong when I looked at Kaceys face, it hurt her. (But why? Why does she look so hurt? What did I screw up this time? I can't even go home, Moms on a business trip.) Its like Kacey ignored what I said. She sighed, "Look I'll...let it slide. But if you two cant get along then both of you will go home and no buts. We have to stay in here for two more hours so get comfy." Claire climbed back up on her bunk, I was sure if the bunk were to break and crush me I wouldnt die from her own weight but from the fifty gallons of make up she puts on her face everyday. After a few minutes of silent Kacey pulls out a clipboard with paper and a pen. "So, what are you looking forward to at Camp Current?" Claire sighed, "The campfire with the ghost stories, last year I remember me and my friends were shook from Josh's story. I remember that I couldnt sleep for months after." Kacey smiled and looked at Elizabeth, "What about you?" Elizabeth thought, "I want to see alot of wildlife...I like animals." She looked shy and I didnt know why, the only one she hadnt talked to was Claire at least I think. Kacey then looked at me with her soft gaze and her warm smile. It made my heart pound but it only made me feel worse. "The only thing Im looking forward too is leaving this place..." Kacey frowned and Elizabeth looked at me. "Why do you seem to hate this place so much? It sounds like it'll be really fun...dont you think?" I had my sketchbook out and began to draw random things. "No...I dont know. I'm not an outside person and I wont ever be. Thats just who I am." Claire spoke from her top bunk, "You're seriously not looking forward to anything at all? There has to be one thing that you look forward too, thats an actual activity in camp and not leaving." I looked above me, "Dont act like you know anything about me Claire." She put her hands up, "I'm not, I'm just saying. Why come to camp in the first place if you just want to leave as soon as you get here?" I sigh, "I didnt choose to come here, my mom made me." Claire raised an eyebrow, "Well if you want to leave so badly then why not call her and go? Its not a far drive from where you live Cam." I put my sketchbook down, "Quit calling me that like were friends, and if I could leave I would but my moms on a business trip so she cant pick me up." In the corner of my eye I couldve sworn I saw Kacey smile when I said that. A few minutes pass of more silence and Claire just had to open her stupid mouth again. "So...want to talk about boys?" I felt my inside twist and Claire obviously saw which I dont know how because I'm below her. "I'm not talking to you Cameron, we all know your gay." I rubbed my temples from a massive headache, "Thank you so much for outing me like that. I really appreciate it." Claire chuckled, "Come on Cam-...Cameron, we all know it. Its so obvious." There was another long silence. "...Right?" Claire asked, oblivious as always. Elizabeth shook her head and Kacey was minding her own business. Claire's realization mustve hit her, "...oh so no? Sorry.." I rolled my eyes, "Yeah okay." There was a snap from above and I dont know whether it was Claires acrylic nail or her sanity that broke. "I'm trying to make an effort here and you are doing nothing!" I looked confused, "What? What effort?" Claire jumped down from her bunk, "Kacey said for us to become friends and-" I interrupted putting my stuff down, "Woah, woah, Kacey didnt say for us to become friends. She told us not to kill eachother or else we would go home and either way I cant so it will do nothing for me but maybe with you out of the way I can actually enjoy camp...besides its not like we werent friends before. But I guess you're too embarrassed of me to admit it. Well dont worry, Id be embarrassed too." Claire looked hurt but why would I care it does nothing to me. Kacey sighed and seemed frustrated but smiled and looked at Claire. "Sure lets talk about boys." I mustve thought out loud, "I dont know why you want to talk about boys, you already have one." Kacey looked up at me, "What?"