Blind Leading the Blind

32. Ghostfacers

LIVING ROOM

Harry Spangler and Ed Zeddmore were sitting in easy chairs in front of a fireplace, dressed in formal wear and holding brandy glasses.

"I am Harry Spangler," Harry said.

"And I am Ed Zeddmore," Ed stated. "Now if you have received this tape, you must be some sort of bigwig network executive. Well, today is your lucky day, mister."

"Because the unsolicited pilot you are about to watch is the bold new future of "reality TV.""

"Mmmm. We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike."

"Lazy fat cats."

"Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?" Harry gestured and reached for a cheap dimmer switch. "Our team faced horrible horrors to bring you the footage that will change your world forever. So strap in for the scariest hour in the history of television."

"In the history of your life..."

"Strap in for..."

"Ghostfacers!" Ed and Harry cried.

CAR IN SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD

Harry and Ed exited an AMC Gremlin with a Wisconsin license plate, each carrying a metal briefcase with a "Ghostfacers" sticker.

"You know, it can get kind of hard balancing our daytime careers with our nighttime missions," Ed said.

"Yeah, but Ed and I pretty much call the shots at the Kinko's where we work, so we can usually pretty much get off by six every night?" Harry questioned.

"Yeah, six o'clock. It used to be just, you know, you and I taking on the cases -- just Harry and me."

"Two lone wolves."

"And two lone wolves need, uh... other wolves."

PHASE 1: THE HOMEWORK

GHOSTFACERS "OFFICE" - DAY

"Morning, 'facers," Ed greeted.

"Good morning, Ghostfacers," Harry said.

"It's seven p.m., dude," Spruce informed.

"It's morning to a Ghostfacer. Corbett, what do we got, buddy?" Harry asked.

"Oh, I'm just putting up some of the-" Corbett began.

"Yeah, this has got to go up here," Ed finished. "That's got to go here. Got to see the whole field. Markers, eraser -- good job."

"I first saw Ed putting up flyers down at the -- the outlet mall in Scogan, so I-I read one, and I thought to myself, "huh". Where do ghosts come from?" And now here I am."

"Ed, your sister's abusing me," Harry tattled.

"That's adopted sister, thank you very much," Ed corrected.

"Ed has been obsessed with the supernatural since we were kids, you know, and then he meets Harry at computer camp... and love at first geek," Maggie said.

"Spruce here. What up, playaa?" Spruce asked.

BALL CART ON DRIVING RANGE - DAY

Spruce continued. "I am 15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee. My grandfather is a mohel, my great-grandfather was a tallis maker, and my great-great-grandfather was a degenerate gambler and had a peyote addiction.

GHOSTFACERS OFFICE - DAY

"Okay, people," Ed called. "Let's cut the chatter and get out on a mission. Okay? Morton House... one of our big fish. All right, we all know the legend. Every four years, supposedly, this becomes the most haunted place in America."