Judas Kiss

Chapter 15.

Arielle

I couldn't sleep all night and neither could Jax. Somehow, I'd managed to slip into the game of who gets a night with Jax Teller and won. Not a victory I was dying to show off. It wasn't love or even like, it was company, it was closeness, it was the craving of wanting to be held.

It didn't fix anything or bring on my delusional fantasies of being together. The only thing it did was distract me from thinking about the sound of the gun, the smell, or seeing Donna's blood on my hands and clothes.

I looked for the clothes this morning, but Jax had managed to take them while I was in the shower. I didn't know if I'd ever see them again, but I felt grateful that he even cared to do that.

"Hey," Jax said walking into the room holding a cup of coffee. I was still sitting in a bath towel while my braids dripped water onto the floor because I decided to submerge my head in water during my shower. I had scrubbed my body so violently that I saw red streaks on my skin. I thought I saw some blood on me before, and I'd convinced myself that it was in my hair before I broke down in tears. I'm sure my sobs had caused Abel to wake up this morning.

"Hi," I said quietly. He approached me slowly and put the coffee down on the bedside table. He embraced me in his arms and grabbed the towel I was clutching in my hands. He went over each braid gently, squeezing the water out of each one.

When he finished, he placed a gentle kiss on my lips that made me want to cry.

"Did you hear anything?" I asked as I blinked back tears.

Jax sighed, "I'm going over to his house right now. I'll tell you whatever I find out."

I nodded my head sadly, "Okay but...can you ask Opie if I can see her? I know she isn't awake, but I really want to see her." Tears blurred my vision until Jax became blurry in my eyes. I tried to blink them away, but that only caused them to fall. Which was going against my need to prove to Jax that I was fine, that I could handle something like this.

"Babe, I don't think that's a good idea. Right now, I need you to get some rest. Just stay with the baby for today, I'll have a prospect bring whatever you need."

I wanted to be strong and just agree with him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do that. "Jax, I need to see her. She's my family."

Jax looked at me sympathetically and kissed my forehead, "Baby, I'll let you know whatever I find out. I promise I'll tell you first. I just don't want you going out like this. Please Ari, just trust me on this."

He didn't say anything further as he held my face in his hands. He gave me a tender kiss on the lips and then gave me a small smile before leaving the room. I heard the door shut and his bike drive away.

Wendy was gone, so that meant that it was just me and Abel today. I wanted to call Jax and tell him that this was the thing that I wasn't strong enough for. Being here with an infant while my friend lay in a coma was the exact thing that I couldn't stand.

But then Abel began to cry and I knew that even though I felt like my whole life was crumbling, his was just beginning. So, I did my best to put on some clothes and warm a bottle to feed him. I needed to find some kind of will to continue on with the day, even though I really didn't want to.

Abel was a good distraction. His blue eyes reminded me of Jax's, and I tried to find comfort in that. But as the day went on, I cried in between his naps. I held my emotions in for every second that he was awake. I played, I fed, I changed him. I did everything I could do for a baby who needed every ounce of me.

I read and reread his medication for his heart. I sat in his room and organized his books by color, and then I came back and ordered them by author. I was driving myself absolutely mad, and I didn't think I could take sitting in this house any longer hoping that Jax would finally remember to update me.

So, I packed Abel's diaper bag and I called a cab. I didn't want to call Gemma or any of the guys for a ride, because I didn't need them telling Jax anything. I needed to see Donna. And come hell or high water, I was determined to see my friend.

When I got to the hospital, I hadn't thought about anything else besides Donna. However, I knew that when Tara saw me, she'd most likely rat on me to Jax.

"Arielle?" I tried to walk faster in an effort to avoid conversation, but then I heard her hurried steps behind me. "Arielle, wait!"

I turned around and looked at her, obviously annoyed with the intrusion. " Look, I'm here to see Donna and Donna only. If you can't help me do that, then please turn around and act like you never saw me."

Tara looked taken aback by my words, "Arielle, I just wanted to tell you that I heard about what happened. I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"Do you know where Donna's room is?" I asked, ignoring her sentiments.

"Ari, she's in the ICU. Only family members can go back there."

I inhaled a shaky breath at her wording. Donna and I weren't related by any means, but she was my best friend. Even more, than that, she was my sister. "Just last night, I was in that car with her. She wanted to teach me how to drive a stick. I gave in and we hadn't even swapped seats yet before someone shot at the truck. I can't even convince myself that it was meant for her." I shook my head with frustration as the memory flashed through my mind. It was like I was going through all two stages of grief at one time. Anger and Sadness, and they were fighting each other for the spotlight. 

My eyes became glossy with tears that I fought so hard to hold back, "I have been trying to wrap my mind around why someone would want her dead, and I can't come up with anything! Donna had no enemies!"

I hadn't realized that my voice had reached a new octave, because I was too caught up in my own emotions. Tara looked worried and tried leading me into a room nearby, but then I felt a hand on my lower back.

"Ari, what are you doing here?" Jax's voice was soft as he rubbed soothing circles onto my back. I looked at up him and my lips trembled when I saw Opie standing next to him.

"I think they were trying to kill me and shot Donna by mistake!" I began to wail and Tara and Jax shared a look. Abel was wrapped against my body and had woken up to see me crying. His lip poked out when he noticed my tears, but I couldn't stop myself. I felt like I was losing control.

Jax eventually released Abel from the wrap and handed him over to Tara. We were escorted into a room as a way to avoid the curious stares in the waiting room.

"Baby, that's not true," Jax kneeled in front of me and put a hand on my knee.

"No one would want to kill Donna," I sniffled, "but someone wants to kill me." Opie looked over at Jax curiously, and that's when I realized how private Jax had been about me.

"Babe, it wasn't Galindo last night. We checked everything and we know that."

"Then who was it?" I looked at Jax intently and he shared a look with Opie.

I knew he wasn't going to tell me and that fact made me want to scream. Opie knelt down beside him and looked at me, "Ari, don't worry about anything. Donna has a really good chance. The bullet missed her brain and hit her skull. The way you guys sat made all the difference."

My lips trembled and my nostrils flared at the news, "she's going to be okay?"

Opie nodded his head, "I'll put you on the list of people who can go see her. You okay with that?" I nodded my head vigorously and Jax got up and kissed my forehead. "You see, I told you." Jax embraced me in a hug and rubbed my back. I know Tara noticed, but her face changed when she saw me look at her.

"Can I go see her now?" I asked Opie and he nodded his head. Tara handed Abel back to Jax and led me into the ICU. I fidgeted with my hands until we had made it to where Donna was. She was in a comatose state hooked up to all kinds of wires and machines. Her head was wrapped in a bandage and I ran over to her to get a closer look.

"Hey," I said softly, running my hand over her brown hair. They had shaved a bit off for surgery I presume. "I'm here Donnie, I'm not leaving you. I'm here." Donna said nothing as I stood over her, but I knew I wouldn't rest until she was on her feet again.