Judas Kiss

Chapter 24.

Arielle

It hadn't been any more than five days since Jax has been gone. I've been doing my best to not contact him or anyone in the club until we heard word that they had made it to Ireland. But to my surprise, Tara had been the one to stop by and inform me that they had made it.

Apparently, Jax had contacted her after they were safely inside. I can't say that the news didn't hurt me. Especially considering that Abel was also my child and I should be one of the first people to hear any news about this trip.

I was incredibly worried and I was riddled with anxiety. I feared for everyone, because not only was this journey dangerous for Abel but everyone else as well. I knew that everyone was being hunted by the police and that getting stopped by any law enforcement would surely ruin the rescue mission. I was just hoping that Jax would take this time to keep me updated like he was doing with Tara.

I wasn't jealous of their relationship just more so aggravated by it. He told her everything even though she wasn't his wife. Jax and I had been together for a few years and I didn't know nearly as much as she did. I mean who's to say that she wouldn't rat on him if her own freedom was on the line? At least with me, he knew I was sworn to secrecy.

I don't know, just thinking about it ruins my mood. Probably because I've been noticing how permanent Tara is. She hasn't been like the others or Wendy. She has a key to my house, she's held my son, and if I've overheard her conversations correctly, she's also planning on selling her father's home. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know where she plans to live.

All I could picture in my mind is being thrown out on the street, while Jax replaces me with the doctor. He says he loves me, but it can't be in the way that he loves her. Sometimes I think he's only saying it now to ease the guilt he's feeling.

Well, screw him and his guilty conscious. I've come to peace with the terms of our relationship, and I will get over Jax not loving me. However, one thing I'll never forgive him for is if he takes my son away from me. To rip away a mother from her son would be absolutely unforgivable.

I thought about a plan on how to ensure my position in Abel's life, but then I was thrown off by finding Tara in my house. She was in the bedroom when I walked in, and I can't say that I was happy to see her. She had managed to stay at her own place while Jax has been gone, and it was nice not having to bump into another woman in the house.

"Hey, I didn't hear you come in," she slightly turned her back to look at me but then continued to rummage through the closet.

"Hi..." I said awkwardly as I watched her put some clothes in the closet.

She finally turned her whole body around and looked at me with a nervous smile. "Sorry to come into your space, I'm just putting some of Jax's clothes away. He left some things at my house, and since I'm selling I have to clear everything out."

I nodded my head in understanding, still feeling out of place. "How's that going? Do you have any buyers?"

Tara let out a sigh, "Yes, I do actually. I should feel more excited about it, but I haven't even found another place to live yet. But they have a good offer and I'd be stupid to pass it up."

"Mmm," I stood there awkwardly, not sure what to say. By her tone, I think she was expecting me to offer her a place here. And no matter how complicated my relationship with Jax was, I wasn't going to go off the deep end like that. "I saw some new apartments being built on my way home, they look nice."

Tara stared at me for a moment and then she let out a laugh that sounded more like a scoff. I could tell she wasn't expecting that response, but I wasn't willing to give her the one she wanted, so I dropped the subject altogether.

"Have you heard from Jax? Any updates on Abel?"

"No, I tried calling him this morning, but it went straight to voicemail."

I let out a defeated sigh before I turned my back and left the room. Regardless of who the news was coming from, I still wanted to hear if they had found Abel. I missed him terribly and I wanted to know anything I could about him.

"I'm sure he's fine Ari, Jax is doing everything he can to bring him home."

Her words fell on deaf ears as I tried to suppress my anger. I'd been suppressing my anger ever since my last freak-out. I kept trying to convince myself that it wasn't her fault and that she did everything she could to protect my son. But I just couldn't do it.

I didn't want her anywhere near Abel when he came back home. I didn't trust her to watch him and keep him safe, and I knew that I'd have a hard time keeping up with this charade if Jax was truly going away for a long time.

"Ari, do you blame me for what happened to Abel?" I clenched my eyes shut as she asked the question. If I looked at her, my face would reveal my true feelings. "I think we need to talk about what you said that day about me taking everything from you."

I didn't want to talk about that. I thought that was useless considering that it paled in comparison to Abel being gone. Talking about that would only make me angry, and I'd say some things that would go down like poison.

And as if God himself had heard my cries, my phone rang, taking my attention away from Tara. I picked up the phone without even looking at the number and put the phone to my ear. 

"Hello?"

"Ari? It's Jax."

"Hey, what's going on? Are you guys alright? Is he? Did you find him?" My heart was racing as about a million questions flew out of my mouth. Tara stood near me as we waited to hear what Jax had to say.

There was some shuffling in the background, but then I heard the sweetest sound. Abel's babbling in the background brought tears to my eyes. My throat went dry and I put my hand on the counter at the sound of his voice.

"Jax is that?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, it's him. We're coming home."

I couldn't take it anymore and I lost the ability to stand. Tears of joy streamed down my face as I kept replaying the sound of his voice in my head. Tara paced around the kitchen as she tried to contain her excitement.

"Ari," Jax said over the phone.

"Yeah?" I asked trying to catch my breath.

"I'm sorry for all of this. I'm sorry for everything. You're an amazing mom, and I meant what I said before I left. I do love you, Ari."

I let out a shaky breath as I tried to remain calm. Tara hadn't noticed the change in my demeanor so she hadn't stopped to ask me what he was saying.

"I know Jax, I know. Just come home, the two of you." I didn't want to say anything that sounded remotely like a second chance. Jax was a fickle guy. One minute he wanted me, the next he wanted Tara. The days of reconstructing my life on his empty promises were over. As far as I know now, only actions would direct him back to my heart. For now, the only promise I cared about was my own to my son.