let me lie beneath myself. | Banana Fish

life imagined and life lived.

Aslan imagines a future finally within his grasp

~

anima I.

loving yourself
will save your soul

-'a beautiful composition of broken' by r.h Sin

~

Renovating his childhood home in Cape Cod is not how Aslan thought he'd spend his honeymoon. It's a symbolic sort of venture, one he'd initiated himself. Spoke his desire into existence to his number one supporter.

They'd sorted out the details, got hitched in a small circle of close friends and new allies, and now Aslan's spreading dark blue paint to the house's exterior paneling. Eiji follows with accented white to all the trim.

Day one included cleaning out junk and saving a squealing Eiji from rats.

Day two included removing furniture and destroying his old bedroom in a fit of memory-triggered rage. They spent the rest of the day down by the beach, Eiji instructing Aslan to bare his feet in the freezing water, feeling the sand squelch between his toes.

Day three included arguing over paint colors until a soft yellow was chosen for the kitchen and a peachy orange compromised for the living room. Both were high off the fumes by nightfall and fell asleep together in the midst of love-stricken giggles.

Day four included heading back to NYC and spending the day furniture shopping. Aslan was kept from the brink of utter boredom by enjoying the way Eiji lit up with excitement as soon as he'd found 'the one!'.

At the end of day five, Aslan couldn't stomach the idea of sleeping in any of the upstairs bedrooms yet, so they'd struggled and fought over the building of their new bedframe right in the middle of the living room floor.

It is now day six and Aslan has been feeling a peculiar kind of hope settling within his bones. He voices it to Eiji—perfect, precious Eiji—and in acknowledgment, he gives a small sentiment. His reaction is no bigger than that; just the way Aslan prefers.

They've been working so hard for almost a week now. A break surely must be in order.

Something overcomes Aslan at this moment. His actions are barely his own.

"Aslan!" Half of Eiji's face is now smeared with blue, Aslan's roller still spinning in the aftermath. His lips quirk. "You're gonna regret that."

Quick as anything, Eiji dips his brush for fresh paint and sends a large glob zooming toward Aslan's face.

Eiji bursts out laughing. "Look! It matches your skin tone!"

Aslan wipes the paint from his eyelids and readies his roller. "You think you're funny, huh?"

They chase each other around the yard, flinging paint everywhere, and by the end, they're an abstract mix of blue and white. It drips down Aslan's nose and wets Eiji's old shirt. They slump into the wild grass as high as their knees together, arms pillowed beneath their heads and gaze up at the clouds rolling by.

"I'm going to go wash up and prepare lunch," Eiji eventually says, sitting up. "You coming?"

"I wanna sit out here for a bit longer," Aslan declines, trailing a white rabbit in the sky.

Eiji smiles at him and he smiles back.

"I'll call you when it's ready."

He watches Eiji's figure retreat into the house in between the blades of green and sighs happily. The last time he was happy in Cape Cod was a long, long time ago.

They haven't fully discussed their reason for renovating. Whether or not they'll sell the house to the nuclear family. Whether or not they'll stay forever.

Aslan would like to start a new life here.

He really would.

He'd like to keep the old memories, the ones from before Griffin's enlistment, and make new ones to collect. They could create a new scrapbook. Aslan could find new inspiration. Eiji could take countless pictures of the sunset on the ocean. They could stargaze on the roof or search for shells along the shore or throw snowballs at each other in the winter. Make piles of leaves and jump in them. Swing together on the porch in the evening. Paint their names on their mailbox.

This place was once associated with good things. He'd like to make it that way again.

"Aslan! Lunch is ready!"

When he hoists himself up, his hand lands upon a dandelion.

He already has everything he could ever wish for.

He blows the seeds away anyway and they fly through the air like Eiji once did.

Like Aslan is now.