Ikigai | J.JK Fanfiction

02

He is breathing heavily as his eyes open, sweat making his forehead wet. Bright, vivid flashes of a nightmare clouded his mind. His chest heaves as he struggles to get back his composure. He looks beside him. No one. His head was slowly returning to normal and wasn't spinning anymore. He was still naked but tucked beneath a heavy quilt protectively and his head was placed on three pillows stacked one over the other, just the way he likes it. He could remember quite clearly that this wasn't how he slept.

He shot up, sitting up, pulling the blanket with him. The curtains were already pulled apart and sunlight was spilling into the room, bright and blooming. His eyes fell on his clothes that were folded and kept neatly on the table by his side. "Y/n..." He called, his raspy and loud voice ringing through the room. Wearing his clothes, he went around the different parts of the room searching for you. You were nowhere around. A light congestion forms in his chest, making him rub the area with his fingers trying to soothe the uneasiness, worry and fear.

. . . ╰─────╮╭─────╯ . . .

"Where is she?" His voice sounded every least bit cold and stony like it was expected to be but the old woman in front of him knew what those words contained — fear, an immense amount of panic that was even dangerous because he was concealing it. The maids who were attending her and other women who had occupied small tables in the huge hall stood up immediately; their actions swift, making so much noise that reverberated through the place. They bow at him and then at the lady before heading out through another door leaving Jungkook alone with the woman.

She was seated in a place made of just cushions of the lightest pink, arranged in the form of a lotus in full bloom. The walls of the hall were painted white and the ceiling was made of florally painted glass that when sunlight fell in it, illuminated the place in a weird light. "What have I instructed you to do when you feel like this, son?" She asked, waving her hand, wanting him to come towards her. "Breathe. Think."

"She's nowhere. I thought she would be present for the regular meeting with our governors but she wasn't there. I went checked at the doctor's place but she wasn't there too. She's not in the queen's bath, the library nor the garden. She's nowhere, I-"

"Jungkook, follow what I said."

He sat down by her side. She could see the effects that the panic attack was having on him. She gently placed her hand on the side of his face. "You are punishing yourself for nothing. Nothing has changed over night. She's still safe like she was. Healthy as she was." Her eyes were as calm as her voice. His struggle to catch his breathe slowly became less painful as he calmed down.

"She is, and that's the present. There's a future that's coming. A future that's so ambiguous, I...can't even think of it. Do you think I do not know why my mom fell ill, the reason of her death?"

This time her calm face shifted but it didn't last for long before her eyes softened again. Ten years of pain and suffering was all she got before her demise and no one could help. Her boy watching her die slowly suffered with her, developing fears and panic that never ever left him and was there to accompany him through his entire life. The reasons weren't really kept secrets but they tried their best to hold back. Mother Gaia became his god mother and looked after him hoping he would never feel the lack of a mother.

"You must learn to believe. The key to your problem is within yourself and your beloved, son."

Though it was worded simply and had a straight meaning at the moment she said it, when he looked into her eyes he knew she meant something and that she was talking cryptically like she always does.