Dirty Hands (Kaz Brekker One Shots)

A Break in Time

Time had a strange way of working around those parts.

When you were in the Crow Club at night, for example, it seemed to stretch to infinity —the never-ending streak of gamblers coming and going until the sun shone in the early morning sky. When hidden from the prying eyes of guards and thugs on missions, however, it seemed to stop completely, your heart beating at the fastest of paces to keep track of the seconds passing by.

And yet, during the few moments you and Kaz were allowed alone during the day, it seemed to fly away like the cool autumn breeze.

The door to his office opened and closed silently, but you only bothered to look up from the aged pages of the book in your hands when you heard the soft thuds of his cane approaching.

Kaz seemed tired that day, the dark circles under his eyes more prominent than usual, but you dared not ask of the demons keeping his sleep at bay. Instead, you allowed him to close the space between you two silently, and when he came to a stop, you raised a hand delicately to his cheek.

It had taken a lot of time and patience, but, for you two, your relationship had become a dance of sorts. For every move you made, you awaited the other's response in hopes that you were in sync. And that's exactly what you did: you paused, your hand in mid-air, giving him the chance to retreat if he so desired. When he didn't, you let your digits caress his cheek as he shut his eyelids and lulled his head towards them.

"Long day?" you wondered in the softest of tones.

He let out a soft exhale through his nose as his tensed shoulders sank down. "Too long."

"You could go home. We'll take care of the club," you offered.

His eyes fluttered open, and he furrowed his eyebrows as he straightened up. "I'm fine," he protested.

Kaz had a tendency to bring his guard up the second he felt his strength questioned —a terrible habit that you knew came from his fear of losing control. That it had an explanation, nevertheless, didn't make it any less heartbreaking; to think that he still felt that need around you.

You brought your hand back to the cover of the book on your lap and simply nodded. "Okay."

The metal head of his cane made a noticeable sound when he let go and it landed on the ground, and you watched as the thief retreated —limping heavily— to his desk to work on the map that was spread on it.

You let your gaze fall to his walking stick for a moment before pursing your lips and making a small sigil with your fingers. A symbol that gave the thief's heart a soft pinch, and that had him giving you a side glare.

"Don't do that," he warned.

There was no real malice in his tone, but the complaint was sincere. He didn't like it when you used your powers on him. For good or evil.

"Don't push me away, then," you retorted without meeting his eyes.

He froze for a split second, almost as if someone had shocked him, before his shoulders sank down again as he sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry," he conceded.

You didn't say anything in return. Instead, you grabbed his cane and made your way to his side —carefully, this time, as to not touch him—, and only gazed at him when his stare became too much to bear for you.

"I don't mean to push you away," he explained.

"I know," you acknowledged as you directed your attention to the pawns lying on top of the map and took a hold of one of them to examine it.

Kaz's hardened expression relaxed as he followed your movements with almost curiosity.  The truth was there was no need for you to use your powers on him: your mere presence always brought a genuine calmness to his heart. One he craved on days like that one.

He parted his lips, ready to return to the conversation his ego had stupidly  interrupted before, but there was a sudden knock on the door, and soon an apologetic Inej popped her head in with worry written all over her features.

"Kaz, we may have a problem out here," she said, further opening the door to let the ruckus of the slight commotion outside through.

Annoyance took over his features as the thief let his tongue ran over his bottom lip, and you couldn't help but to offer him an understanding smile.

Just like on many occasions before, your time together had been called short by an external factor. Sometimes you had even wondered, following the Suli woman's way of thinking, if there was a superior being trying to separate you at all costs. Were that the case, however, you knew you would fight tooth and nail to preserve what you two had.

"You could still jump out the window and go home," you joked.

He exhaled sharply, amused, before grasping your hand with his gloved one and —with his body blocking Inej's view of you two— bringing your knuckles to his lips to leave a soft kiss on them.

"Only if you come with me," he retorted.

You pursed your lips in faked thought for a second before returning his cane to him. "Tempting," you replied.

Kaz flashed you a tired side smirk as he took his walking stick from your hand, his covered fingers resting on yours longer than needed. Yet, every moment comes to an end, and you forced yourself to let go and to start your way towards the door, where Inej stood almost shyly.

And so time continued its ineffable course, and you two were left with no other choice but to wait for the next fleeting chance to enjoy each others' company.