Door Of Return Book 2: Crop Over

07: Reflections

Written by: Abena and Akilah

"Ignore the voices...keep walking."

My feet dragged and I was exhausted. As I moved along, I kept my eyes locked on the ground to avoid the sight of Aso. I knew that disappointment would be as sure as her eyes were black. Why had I disobeyed her? From the day she showed up at our house and her perfect Twi unlocked memories, I had been steps behind.

I knew by the fading sound of footsteps that I had fallen many paces behind Aso. Although I had been certain I was following close by, I looked up and saw that she had vanished, that her footprints had vanished, replaced only by a small narrow path ahead. I skeeted throughout the clearing, eager to see the cabin in the distance. Instead I saw a lake.

The lake was overgrown. The grass and the trees were tangled up in one another, no telling if the trees had sunken down or if the grass had ascended with no restriction.

Aso had mentioned many strange places on this side of the Door, but not this one. However, a deep feeling of déjà vu sunk in as the cool air crawled over my skin. Something about the lake called out to me —not in words but in the way my feet came to meet the earth. Each step settled with certainty as if a part of me had been here before. My necklace warmed on my chest. I looked over my shoulder, half expecting to see Aso, face frozen in that stern but distant expression I'd come to know. She wasn't there.

The sound of footsteps spun me back around.

"Aso, is that you?" I shut my eyes and braced for an answer from another voice. Nothing.

No, no, no, I thought. Not again. Was this still part of the trick of the Ukulilah? Was I still trapped in its game? Aso had gotten me out...I thought. And she had been right there walking ahead of me...hadn't she? But then my mind recalled her eyes. Dark and uninviting, staring back at me. Eyes that I could not see myself reflected in.

Suddenly I was running, past the shrubs, out of the clearing, sprinting to the edge of the lake. Standing over the water, I could see everything reflected in it: the moss on the branches of the trees overhead and the patches of sky streaked with light clouds that did not suggest rain, an almost perfect mirror. But what was missing from that reflection was myself.

My mouth dried and my head spun, feverish. Aso had told me that she couldn't see me and now neither could I. I'm here, I wanted to scream. I'm right here. But the water's surface told a different story.

Was this how it started? Were grandpa and the others nothing but faces without reflections? Did they witness their own erasure before vanishing completely? My eyes couldn't hold back the tears anymore. Hitting the water, they rippled through the lake.

I grabbed down into the lake and splashed water on my face to cool down. The current caressed my arms and feet like an invitation, as if to pull me under. A part of me wanted to let it. But then I recalled Papa's smile, his gentle patience. "What do we do when we feel lost?" he would say. "We become rooted. Ground yourself."

I closed my eyes, my breath coming out shaky. How did I do this again? I am the seed. I needed to be planted. I took a deep breath in, then released it slowly. An instant calm washed over me. But it was not only my nerves that had settled. Something had changed within the atmosphere. I could feel the earth beneath my feet now, as if I was one with the trees. It was then I noticed a presence around the lake that I couldn't describe. Like life still lingered here. It was the same feeling I felt in the forest with Aso, right before I grafted with the tree. Her words rang loudly in my head. "These trees have lived a thousand lifetimes before you and me", she had said. "They remember when we cannot."