COWBOY LIKE ME

It's Nothing

"There's a party?" Pip asked, crossing her arms. "And you're only just telling me?" She sighed, turning on her heels to stare at Cara, stubbing out her cigarette.

Cara nodded, snickering under her breath. "And it starts in an hour," she told Pip.

"Really? Let me get this straight: there is a party —" Cara nodded. "At Andy Miller's
house —" another nod. "Andy Miller," Pip echoed, emphasizing the fact. "In one hour?!"

"Yes, exactly. Can I borrow clothes?"

The girls giggled together, shooing the three boys - Ravi, Connor, and Jamie - from Pip's room, but Pip made certain to give Ravi some sort of look. Just because, she thought.

They took nearly the entire hour to get dressed - Pip in a mini cargo-skirt and a sweater, Cara matching her.

Cara sighed, her elbow on Pip's shoulder. "I love us."

"Right? We're adorable."

"And sexy!" Cara snickered, watching Pip's reflection nod.

Pip knew what she was going to do tonight. Even though she shouldn't, she was. She was, and that was that.

Once the girls gathered their purses and laced their boots, they slipped out of the room and down the stairs to meet the boys again.

They curtsied, giggling as they did, Pip smiling up at Ravi as he opened the door for them.

"I still can't believe you didn't tell me about the party until, like, an hour ago."

"Yeah, well, I wasn't sure if you'd want to go." Cara shrugged as they walked down to Pip's car, sliding into the passenger's seat, watching as Pip's eyes lit.

***

She had been at Andy Miller's house for no longer than an hour. That was hardly enough time to lose herself in any of the three stories of his house - nor the basement. 

Yet somehow, she had found herself in a room on the third story, at the end of the hallway, kissing a stranger.

This wasn't unusual for Pip, as much as she hated to think about it.

Kissing, touching, something or other with a stranger, party after party. Sober, drunk, high, it didn't matter. This, it was her escape.

This being kissing a stranger. His lips working roughly against hers. Rough, aggressive, forceful, they all meant the same thing, didn't they? And, hey, was his grip on her wrists tightening? Wait —

"Stop," she breathed, pulling her lips from his — and, what was his name again? — only for them to press against her neck twice as fast. "Jake —" or was it Jack? "Stop."

"Oh, come on, pretty girl —" No, no, no, only Ravi could call her that. "It's fine. Nobody will hear anything, there's hardly anybody up here, just let me..." He didn't finish his sentence. Only maneuvered her wrists, holding them in one hand rather than both. Pinned above her head rather than against her sides.

Pip couldn't do this anymore. She wriggled against him, but he had her. When did his knees start pressing into her thighs?

"J..." his name was there, right on the tip of her tongue — "Jacob, get off of me!"

Her words came through a hiss as she managed to shove him away and shuffle to stand in the corner, Jacob staring at her from the bed.

She didn't stare back. She watched the carpet darken as teardrops fell against it.

"I told you to stop."

"I thought you —"

"I don't care what you thought! I told you to stop!"

She crossed her arms, and for a moment, she stood there, finally staring at him. Letting him see her mascara run. "I would've done it, you know. If you'd been patient."

He shrugged, nodding once. "Yeah, sorry."

She rolled her eyes, watching him, and couldn't help but think that he looked...almost pathetic. And for a moment she felt bad for him.

Well, until the door swung open.

"Pip?"

"God," she breathed, hurrying to look back at the ground, praying that Ravi wouldn't see her crying.

Ravi stopped for a moment. He scanned the room, squinting at Jacob, almost as if it just couldn't be true.

"Jacob, get the fuck out," Ravi said in a sigh, crossing his arms as he waited, watching Jacob scurry to his feet and skid across the carpet, shutting the door behind him.

Ravi crossed the room in three strides, gently taking Pip's arm.

"I'm taking you home," he told her, bending to grab her discarded sweater and shoes from the floor, watching as she shivered in her tube-top.

Ravi stopped her, pulling his hoodie over his head and handing it to her, waiting for her to put it on. "Why —"

"There's beer on your sweater."

She nodded, pulling his hoodie on instead, and crossing her arms as they walked.

She couldn't believe herself.

***

"So," he whispered, not looking at her as they stood worlds apart in her bedroom. "What was going on there?"

The tears wouldn't stop coming. It was like a flood of salt and mascara and acid rain against her cheeks, and it wouldn't stop.

"W-We didn't kiss," Pip stuttered, hands shaking. "Or anything else. Really, I was just...lonely," she lied, pulling on the strings of his hoodie. "We just hung out. Talked."

Ravi's glare from across her room was cold. She knew he didn't believe her. She wouldn't have believed her either.

It hurt to lie to him like that. Mostly because she was convinced she loved him. Partly because he was her friend, at the end of the day.

But they weren't dating, only hooking-up, so Pip shouldn't have to lie about hooking up with someone else. It wasn't fair. She could do what she wanted.

Still, she shrunk back, cutting out Ravi's voice as he whisper-shouted. I thought you weren't seeing anybody else, he said. I thought we had something, he said. I cannot believe you —

"You're not my boyfriend, Ravi!" She hissed back, talking down to her knees, rather than to Ravi.

A silence for a beat of one, two, three —

"Why not?" He challenged, watching her eyes flicker. "I mean, I know you better than literally anyone. Better than Cara, even. Does Cara know what turns you —"

"No!"

For some odd reason, talking about her sex life was one of the most embarrassing things she could ever talk about with Ravi. Most often, he found it amusing, how her cheeks flushed when he teased her, but right now, none of that mattered. Even if his heart fluttered at her reaction.

"Yeah, see? Pip, I've known you since before we could walk. You literally took your first steps with me. So why not, Pippa —?" Ouch. "Why can't I be your boyfriend?"

She finally looked up at him, and he finally saw the mascara, streaming with her tears, down her cheeks.

"Jesus," he breathed, his eyes scanning her frame, and — "What are those?"

She glanced down at her thighs, and the red marks from Jacob's knees, still burning against her skin.

Her lip began to quiver, tears brimming against her eyelids again. Just as she had stopped crying, too.

If Pip told him what they were and where they came from, that meant telling him what she was doing with Jacob.

Sure, he probably already knew, but she hated the idea of admitting it. Saying the words out loud. Oh, yeah, we were just making out and he didn't listen when I told him to stop. No big deal.

Big deal. It was a big deal.

"Nothing." She shook her head, clutching her sleeves and holding them tight over her hands. "It's nothing."