Family Secrets

Chapter Seventeen

Among the pages of the diary was a letter. It had been written by His Grace, the Duke of Richmond, and sent to my grandmother's home in the country. In it, he thanked Grandmother for the news and...nothing more. It was a brief letter, with no apology, no accusations. Just an acknowledgement of the news that she was with child.

There was the rather strange declaration that he would always think of her fondly and that he had enjoyed their time together.

If I had been in Bath, I would have found someone, one of the matrons, perhaps, who might have heard of this man. What had his family been like? How could he have accepted such scandalous news so easily?

It was astonishing that Miss Greaves hadn't kept the letter for herself. After all, it was the proof she would need if she wanted to ruin my family's name.

...I finally had the courage to tell Mother about the baby. To say she is furious would be understating matters. I have never heard her scream like she did! And when she tells Father, I'm sure he will be furious as well. I have tried apologizing, but all Mother will say is that I should have known better...

...I am being sent away. My late great-aunt Fenton had a cottage in the country. Mother says I will have plenty of time to think about what I did wrong. As if I don't already know!

But perhaps she believes I need time to reflect on what I did so that I can punish myself. As if being in the country wasn't punishment enough!

How alike we had been! What was it that had reconciled her to being in the country? How had she gone from a lady who danced with dukes and princes to a content woman who grew flowers and herbs? The two were so different!

There were descriptions of how Grandmother was confined to her room, forbidden from even speaking to her sisters. Then she detailed how she packed everything she owned once again, though there was no joy or excitement this time.

I cringed as I read Grandmother's declarations that what had happened wasn't her fault. She insisted that it wasn't fair to be sent away from her family. And there were many angry statements about the duke along the lines of 'I knew he would ruin my life!' 'How could he do this to me?'

Quite simply, it was exhausting!

The cheerfulness of Katie was a welcome distraction. She made sure I knew just how much her mother had liked me. Whenever Miss Greaves was not in the room, Katie told me all about her family.

It was nice to hear stories of a family that had none of the drama or problems mine had. If my eyes became teary as I listened, I blamed it on the baby, making me emotional. I certainly wasn't jealous of my maid's family.

I couldn't help but wonder what kind of life my baby would have. What could I give him or her? The unexpected inheritance from Grandmother would certainly help, but would I be a good mother?

How did a woman go about being a good mother? I knew there were many society ladies who left their children with nannies and then governesses. My own parents had done that, and I remember how much I had wanted their attention and affection.

Would I be able to do something different, something better? Would I raise him or her alone? What gentleman would take on the task of raising a child that wasn't his own? My grandfather might have done so, but I knew my grandmother had considered him an exceptional man.

It would be foolish of me to expect there to be many men like that in the world. Just think of all the unworthy men I had met in my lifetime already! I was beginning to believe they outweighed proper gentlemen!

I have arrived in my new prison. This cottage is barely fit to be a home! It is absolutely tiny! How is a lady expected to live in such a place with only a maid to help her? The closest neighbor is miles away and I am quite sure they do not have the manners of civilized people.