Sunshine and Pine (A Sequel to Everything to me)

Dreaming of Dreamboats

It's Leah that finds me crumpled on the forest floor. Apparently she and Seth decided to join Jacob's band of rebels too. The brief mental silence I'd experienced was gone, but it was still somewhat peaceful to only have my cousins and Jake taking root there. Leah lays in the leaves and dirt with me tucked under her muzzle until everything around us starts to fade into grayscale. I haven't moved since I sank to the ground. I can't bring myself to cry, or scream or any of the things that my heart wants me to do. I lay there motionless, heavy head resting on my paws. Leah just stays there like an angel, lifting her head every so often to nuzzle me. Her thoughts aren't fully formed sentences, but I feel her swirl of consciousness. She seems confused. Faces of the people she knows are flashing through her mind sporadically, like a fifth grade powerpoint presentation. But there's an overall tone of longing. She's trying to match my reaction to someone in her life. She doesn't have anything like this to equate to. Then the images are Sam peppering kisses across Emily's face, Jared and Kim cuddled together on the couch, Quil and Claire running on the beach... Paul and I gazing at each other like lovey teenagers. A sob claws its way out of the throat at the image, and Leah turns to look at me. Her thoughts morph to concern and love. Suddenly the need to be in my own skin and finally cry is strong, and I will myself to shift back. Leah follows my lead soon after and lets me silently sob on her shoulder.

My nose starts to burn, the sickly sweet smell of a Cullen approaching making my hair stand on end. Even though I know there's not really any danger, this makes me straighten up.

Esme is walking at human speed towards us, a stack of clothes in her hand.

"I wasn't sure what size you were, so I grabbed a few things from all of the girls." I've really never paid any mind to any of the Cullens, no interest in being buddy buddy with the enemy. But the maternal tone in her voice melts my icy glare. Esme's eyes are downcast in a very unvampirey way. She's nervous, I realize. She must know how much we hate her. I glance up at Leah and I know I'm right. Leah has fixed her with a deadly stare. Poor Esme.

"I bleached them, and tried my best not to touch them too much. I didn't want them to smell."

I rise from my spot on the ground and slowly drift towards Esme. I can't seem to hate this woman, no matter how much my instincts are screaming at me to turn and run. Her eyes flick up to meet mine, a little bit of hope mixed into the shock. Reaching my arms out to take the clothes from her little hands, I fight a flinch when our hands brush against each other.

"Thank you." My voice is hoarse from lack of use, but Esme's beaming at me now.

Esme is the only one outside of my pack that I'm willing to interact with after that. She brings clothes and food every day and I realize that she reminds me of my own mother, you know before the whole evil vampire entranchtress nonsense.

I see Bella through the window once, I can faintly hear her giggling with Edward on the couch. The pure joy on her face as she cradles her belly is such a stark contrast to the 'death's door' look she's rocking. But seeing the two of them holding eachother like that, gazing down at the bump that is their unborn child, I know I've made the right choice. If it happens to come out doing baby sign language for blood, we'll deal with that when the time comes. But for now, all I see is a mom and dad, excited to start their family together. To welcome this piece of them into this weird world we live in. If I played a part in ripping that apart so violently, I'd never be able to live with myself.

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My paws thud across the ground quietly, barely making a sound as I slink through the forest at full speed. I've been running the perimeter for hours, keeping my eyes and ears trained for the sounds of my former brothers. Jacob has asked me to come in and take a break 4 times now. But I know the second I lose focus, I'll plummet into the pit of my chest. I refuse to be rendered to some mindless comatose zombie over a boy. Even if that boy is my anchor, and now I'm floating adrift in this terrifying raging sea of... NOPE! I snap my mind back to the skitters of a squirrel climbing his tree before I fall headfirst into the blackness.

Suddenly I'm not alone in my mind anymore. The voices of Jacob and Leah rush in.

Leah is high with relief. It seems Jake was going to send her back to Sam, but they figured something out. She's replaying the argument in her head, elated that Jake changed his mind. Most of her defense was not wanting to reprise her role as unwanted ex-girlfriend. But what finally won Jake over was saying she couldn't stand it if she left me alone like this. It makes my heart happy, if only for a second.

"Lucy, take a break before you collapse. We got this." Jake demands.

"No no. I'm good." I've been fighting Jake so long on this I'm surprised he's still asking. I can feel the exertion catching up to me, but I push through the scream in my muscles.

"I'm not asking Luce. I'm ordering. Go back to the house. Lie down!" Jacob's voice takes on the deep heavy tone of an alpha. I can't believe that he's pulled the alpha card for this. He's been bitching and whining the whole time about not wanting to be an alpha yet here he is.

"We all need to be at our strongest, Luce." And there's that puppet on a string shit again. My body is slowing and moving back towards the Cullens house, without any real permission from my brain. I barely make it to the backyard before I'm slumping into a ball in the grass, head heavy in my paws. And sleep takes me. Exactly what I'd been trying to avoid.

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It's not long before I'm submersed in the most vivid dream of my life. A memory. Like something inside me is trying to convince me why I need to go back.

"Is this everything you'd hoped for?" Paul is looking up at me from his spot in the sand. He's laying next to me on the beach, propped up on his elbow, looking sexy as hell might I add.

"Mmm... better" I mumble, mouth full with my last bite of cheeseburger. We'd been in Paul's living room watching reruns of some old show Paul loved when I'd declared I wanted a cheeseburger and a milkshake and I wanted to have them on the beach. And in response Paul had declared that I was the cutest person ever as I yanked him off the couch. I've just watched the sunset at the beach with a cheeseburger and a milkshake with my dreamboat boyfriend gazing up at me with love as I absolutely devour it all. It doesn't really get better than that. Brushing off my hands, I lay down with Paul and cuddle into his side. The scent of him washes over me. It's pine and faintly campfire and something manly that's just Paul.

"Thanks for indulging my crazy whims. I love you." I whisper into his chest.

Paul chuckles softly "Anytime honey. I'd do anything for you. You're everything to me."

That's when I'm shaken awake. The beautiful memory slipping away. My eyes open to see Jacob standing above me.

"Lucy, wake up. I have a plan."