lavender; nishimura riki

fourteen.

4/29 3:00pm - hotel hallway.

You tug on Riki's arm, "Why would you say that? Oh, sure, we're a couple!" You mock, "That's insane! It's a lie." What's more insane is that a part of you wants it to be real.

"You seem to like having fun." Riki turns towards you. "Play it like a game. Let her think so. It doesn't hurt either of us."

You furrow your eyebrows, "And if the entire media believes it?"

"Let them believe it too."

"But why?" You continue following him down the hallway but falter when you realize he's passed your room and is walking in the direction of his own. You stop in the middle of the hall, gaze drifting down to your shoes. "I'll see you tomorrow." You mumble.

Riki, a couple of steps ahead of you, turns around. His gaze softens slightly, his stoic expression melting. He holds out the tote bag, "Here, I left my computer in your room. You can watch them with Felice." When you don't accept the bag, he moves forward and closes your hands around them. "Don't be mad at me." He frowns.

"I'm not." You shake your head.

"Confused?" He asks. You nod and lean up, pressing a hard chaste kiss to his lips. Your heart hammers in your chest and your head aches as he stares at you with wonder. It's almost like he doesn't believe your real. He brings one hand up and brushes it over your cheek. "Play it like a game." You say. Riki takes a shallow breath and turns. He continues down the hall, hands stuck in his pockets, going away from you. As you turn to go back in the direction you came, you catch sight of your reflection in a mirror on the wall. You realize then that there's a mirror on either wall. You're trapped between yourself and yourself. The you who likes him and the you who doesn't want to like him because he just infuriates you so much sometimes.

It's difficult enough to figure out what you're feeling for him, you don't want to worry about what he's feeling for you. You huff in annoyance and continue down the hall. Felice likes Arietty, she'll be glad to watch it.

———

4/29 3:14pm - in your hotel room.

Felice opens the door for you when you realize that Riki has the keycard for your room. She furrows her eyebrows, "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." You set the tote bag down on her bed and flop onto yours, pulling out your phone from your pocket and a packet the director gave you from the nightstand. You glance at Felice as she gives you a weird look, "Really, what happened?"

You force a smile, "Nothing, Riki's just really annoying, but you have that I've-seen-Mateo glow. What did you guys do?"

"It's not funny." She sits down at the end of your bed, making you frown and turn your face down to your phone. "There's Arietty in the tote bag, you can watch it. Riki's laptop doesn't have a password." You point at the laptop where the both of you left it on your bed. Felice sighs and gently places a hand on your knee, "You always tell me, so what's going on?"

You finally glance up at Felice from over the top of your phone and packet. From the time you cut contact with your parents and even before that when Felice first became your manager, you've treated her like a mother and an older sister. You pout, "It's stupid."

"No matter what it is, it's not stupid." Felice promises. You grasp her hand, "Okay, well..." You sigh. "He told the girl working at the dvd store that we were a couple, but we're not."

"Do you wish you were?"

You consider her question. "Yes." You sigh. "But he lied, and we're not and I don't know why he would do that. And then he told me to pretend it's a game if the media thinks so as well..."

Felice gently rubs her hand over yours, "It's very clear he likes you back, you need to tell him."

You shake your head, "No, he doesn't like me."

"Oh, yes he does. Besides, I told Mateo so you need to tell Riki."

"Speaking of Mateo..." You grin. Felice rolls her eyes, "We went out for lunch after the meeting and walked around a bit. Happy?"

"And?" You prompt. She smiles, "He had some questions about me being Ace and when he dropped me off by the room door over there I kissed him." She sighs dreamily. You raise your eyebrows, "Is this a bad moment to mention that Riki and I kissed twice today?"

Felice gasps, "What!?"

"Yeah." You sigh.

"Please just tell him your feelings." She pats the back of your hand. "If he rejects you I'll kick his ass, but I know he won't." She promises. You smile faintly, "Thanks Felice. I'm gonna practice my script now."

Felice slides off the bed and grabs Riki's laptop to place on her bed, "I'll get some snacks for us." She briefly peers into the tote bag, "I see Ponyo in here as well so we can watch it after Arietty."

You nod in response. You feel as though there's a weight settled in your stomach, like someone's filled it with stones. Perhaps you will feel lighter if you confess.

———

You and Riki don't make any contact the remaining day of break. You spend that entire time preparing for the next scenes and going over things you've already gone over a hundred times since you have nothing better to do. You're nearly sick with dread thinking about confessing. Every other moment, you're on the verge of telling Felice it's a bad idea, but it's likely better to just get it over. Your decision has been made and had you will confess after the shoot. Perhaps it's a bad decision, but a decision is a decision.

———

4/30 5:00pm  - on set.

To your relief, Riki is pretending as if nothing happened between the two of you. Or maybe that's not a good thing. You can't really figure it out. It's not very relieving either, you still feel like you're weighed down. The scenes go by in a rush, the director praises your acting, neither Riki nor you make any sweet adlibs. At the end of the day, you stuff your arms into the silly jacket with the moth patterns and waddle off with Felice. You've abandoned your plan. Screw decisions. Nothing can define your future but you. If you decide to do something, you can also decide not to do something.

5/1 - one set.

The first of May. It's been so long already. This day passes uneventfully.