Finding Yourself

|one|

"I don't like him."

I have to say it out loud. Otherwise I wouldn't believe it.

"I don't like him."

It still doesn't seem like reality, though I know it is.

"I really don't."

Now I get it.

I don't like him anymore.

I just woke up, and suddenly I just feel like I don't like him.

Him being Lucas Friar, who I've had a crush on for like forever. I can't explain it. I usually wake up to a happy "He's so cute!" thought every morning, but today it wasn't there. I tried, I really did, but I realized my daily morning phrase had become a lie. I just didn't like him anymore.

I was scared.

I can't be Riley Matthews without a crush on Lucas! That's who I am!

If I'm not the one who insanely crushes on him...

Who am I?

Shuddering, I got out of bed and got dressed. I wasn't feeling bright and colorful, so I didn't dress it. I put on a comfy gray simple knee-length spaghetti-strap dress and a simple white jacket over it. I slipped on black ankle boots and solemnly walked out into the living room.

The rest of my family was already at the dining room table. Maya was there too, but I hadn't seen her come in. She must've actually used the front door, which was not something she did often.

"What happened, Riley?" My dad asked, looking worried. "You're wearing solid colored clothing."

"She's starting to get a fashion sense at last." Maya rolled her eyes, but smiled, looking pleased with herself.

"Hey!" I snapped. "I have a fashion sense!"

"Whoa!" My mom intervened. "Riley, really. You never snap at anyone, not even if they anger you. What's wrong? You're worrying me!"

"I'm fine." I muttered and sat down, grabbing a muffin from the plate in the center.

Everyone else exchanged worried glances, even Auggie, and I just are my muffin. It was banana, which would usually cheer me up, but today I was just out of it.

No one spoke as we ate and finished breakfast.

•

"Finding yourself." My dad announced to the class, echoing what was scribbled on the chalk board. "It's not as easy as it sounds."

"Sir, this is history class." Farkle piped up from behind me.

"I know, but this needs to be said." He replied simply. "There are a lot of factors to who we are that we don't realize are there. Let's talk about some. Can anyone give me ideas?"

Lucas's hand shot up.

"Yes, Lucas?" My dad asked.

"Personality." He replied. "How you act around others and your general outward appearance."

"Good!" My dad nodded, then asked again. "Anyone else?"

Maya this time.

"Gender." She said. "It's not always what we think it is."

He was impressed. "Well-worded. Indeed, it's a defining factor. Any more?"

Farkle's hand shot up. "Sexuality, sir."

My dad grinned. Obviously he had been waiting for someone to say that. "Very good, Farkle. Let's talk about that."

He grabbed a chalkboard eraser and rubbed it over "finding yourself", and replaced with "sexualities". "Now, there are many examples. Who can tell me the most common sexuality?"

Lucas raised his hand. "That would be heterosexuality, or as most people know it, straight."

"Right! When someone is attracted to people of the opposite gender." My dad scribbled "heterosexual/straight" under sexualities. "Anyone else?"

Farkle's hand shot up once again. "Homosexual, sir. In which someone is attracted to people of the same gender. There's also bisexual, in which someone is attracted to both boys and girls, and aesexual, in which someone is attracted to no one."

"Very good, Farkle!" He scribbled "homosexual", "bisexual", and "aesexual" under what was already there. "Now there are others, but these four are the most common. You're probably wondering where I'm going with this. I'd like you to think. What is your sexuality? I want you to write a paper on it and turn it in by next Monday. I know most papers will be on heterosexuality, but there will be the odd couple. And remember, no one will read these other than me, so don't be afraid."

I bit my lip. This was easy. Heterosexual, right? I mean, seriously.

And then I thought. Thought about how I woke up this morning and suddenly didn't like Lucas. And I thought.

I was definitely a heterosexual.

Right?

---
Hey!
This is my first fanfic, so yeah, but here it is!
I love rilaya/raya and I had to make a Wattpad account for it <3
Enjoy!
(Poor Riley, bad timing...or is Cory simply onto something?)