Saving May

91

Cry

It's been a month since Mama passed away..

Coping up was something I never knew I'd be doing so soon. For a month, I still cry every night, mourning for her.. my home is not with me anymore. I lost my mother and now I'm at lost on what to do as well..

Sa loob ng isang buwan ay hindi ko na din nakausap si Papa. I was still mad at him.. I'm not blaming him but at some point I was mad at him. Hindi ko rin alam. Maybe I was indeed blaming him for what happened but it's difficult to think about it. After all, he is my father.

I grew up admiring him. He was my role model. But now, I don't know anymore.

"May, hoy." Napakurap ako ng mapansin ko ang kamay sa mukha ko. "Tawag ka ng head nurse."

"Ah. Sorry." My co-student nurse just smiled bago umalis para asikasohin din ang bagong dating na mga pasyente.

Sa ER kami ngayon na-assign. But truthfully, dapat hindi pa. Pero dahil kulang ng staff ngayon gabi dahil sa dami ng trauma patients, tumulong kami sa pag assist sa mga senior nurses namin.

"Nurse Mendez, tinawag niyo daw po ako."

She gesture to wait dahil tinatapos niya ang pag lagay ng IV line sa pasyente.

"Oo, you'll be assisting me tonight. I trust that you know many things and you can move fast, right?"

I couldn't speak but I tried my best to respond to her. "I'm still a second-year student but I'll give my best po ma'am."

"I just need you to focus and try to relax your mind para hindi ka ma-overwhelmed. May mga darating pang mga pasyente dahil sa collision na nangyari."

She explained while simultaneously checking other patients.

"Yes po, ma'am."

"Go prep yourself." Utos niya. I did what I needed to do at lumapit sakanya habang sinusuot ko ang gloves. Narinig ko ang doktor na naka-assign na nagsasalita, explaining what the patient needs.

"Kelangan niya ng tramadol for his pain, kuha ka sa storage dahil kakaubos lang kanina. I used the last one." I did what she asked at kumuha ako ng isang box at nilagay ito sa station ng lalagyan ng mga gamot. Others may need them too.

I break the top glass and calmly grabbed the syringe then administered it to the patient. Chineck ko rin ang BP niya and it was stable. I was about to ask what's the next step ng mapansin kong wala sa tabi ko si Nurse Mendez. Bago umalis, I made sure that everything was good sa pasyente.

Tinulongan ko rin i-guide ang mga bagong dating na rescuers. More patients were coming in. Kaya ba ito lahat ma-accomodate? I was already warned pero na-overwhelmed parin ako.. Real-life experience is indeed different from the videos we've watched. I sighed deeply at tumulong ako sa pag kabit ng IV lines sa ibang patients. I've been practicing since 11th grade at buti nalang, worth it lahat ng pagod na yun.

I was assigned to Nurse Mendez kaya naman hinanap ko siya agad dahil baka mapagalitan ako kung wala ako sa tabi niya. I immediately found her dahil siya lang ang naiibang uniform.

Suddenly, everything became blurry when I saw her doing a CPR. Halos hindi ako makagalaw dahil naalala ko ang nangyari kay Mama. Lumalim ang paghinga ko and I could feel my own heartbeat. The CPR, the flat line sound from the monitor, the hospital. The whole thing was reminding me of what happened that day. I could see the family members, crying as they watch Nurse Mendez doing her best to bring his life back.

I knew I shouldn't have done this.

"May! Come on look at me!"

I should have just stayed, locked in my room.