star tripping

+1

𝔱𝔯𝔦𝔤𝔤𝔢𝔯 𝔴𝔞𝔯𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔰 𝔩𝔦𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔡 𝔦𝔫 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔬𝔭𝔢𝔫𝔦𝔫𝔤 𝔞𝔲𝔱𝔥𝔬𝔯'𝔰 𝔫𝔬𝔱𝔢

†

sapnap doesn't know what hurts more: having to sit and watch his boyfriend break down into a fit of breathless tears, or, knowing innately that he's the reason for the blonde's pain.

normally, when punz overthinks, it's late and dark and they're hidden away by the silence of night. today it's midday. the sun is high in the sky, people are talking in the street outside, and there's not a star to be seen.

he's curled up by sapnap's side, sobbing as he cradles his own bloody hand, his knuckles torn from how hard he'd just slammed his fist into the wall. he left a dent, not a big one, but sapnap doesn't think it will be a problem anyway since the blonde's father is an incredibly emotional man too.

the ravenette's own gaze is divided, wanting to stay on his boyfriend's face, wanting to comfort, but unable to rip itself from the sight of blood pooling from the cuts and grazes that scarred his lover's knuckles.

"keep breathing with me," sapnap tries to do some damage control, but it only seems to make things worse as punz tenses at the sound of the other man's voice.

even hearing sapnap's voice makes the blond uncomfortable, and the ravenette can't help his thoughts from spiralling.

he loves punz, he has since they were kids and he doesn't think he will ever love anyone or anything more. he knows that punz feels the same way too, deep down, and he knows that he makes the blond oh-so-happy.

the good can't take away from the pain he causes though. the smiles don't wash away the tears. the laughs don't clean up the blood.

being in love with sapnap hurts punz, and sapnap can't help but wonder if it's right for him to put someone he loves through so much pain.

if he loved punz, as much as he feels he does, surely it's wrong to drag him through this living hell? is it not evil, to force the blond through this pain?

he wants to speak again, tell the blond he's doing well, but he can't help but notice that punz's heavy breathing actually seems to calm quicker when sapnap isn't talking.

punz loves him, but what is love when you're being tortured?

sapnap's thoughts scare him and he cradles his boyfriend closer for his own selfish comfort, holding him like a kid that's just grazed his knee or bumped his elbow.

"i'm so sor-" punz starts with a scratchy voice, cutting himself off with a hoarse cough. sapnap watches the blonde's whole expression curl in pain, eyes squeezing so tightly shut that they wrinkle at the edges.

sapnap glances at the clock, seeing he has plenty of time -hours- until punz's parents will be home but still being very aware of the fact that he could get in trouble simply for being here.

he's not allowed around anymore, he knows that and, even though punz invited him and then convinced him to show up, it's still him who's gotta watch the drape of his wrist.