THE FIRST TIME DEALING WITH PTSD

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My name is Jennifer and I have been diagnosed with PTSD and PNES for two years. PTSD stands for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: which means a mental health condition that's triggered by terrifying events or experiencing it and witnessing it too; PNES means Psychogenic Nonepileptic Seizure which involves attacks that resemble epilepsy-related seizures in symptoms and signs, but abnormal electrical activity in my brain that doesn't cause them. I'm going tell you how it affects my everyday life.

Before I got diagnosed, I used to feel alone like no one loved me or someone was always out to get me. I felt trapped, I was laughed at all the time to a point I could not get out the bed. One day I didn't wake up for 35 minutes and wasn't breathing at all and that's when the doctor's diagnosis with PTSD and PNES. I have been abused by my ex-husband and my father use to beat me when he got drunk and high off drugs; last year my house got shot up with my little girl in my room. My anxiety level is through the roof. I am on three different medicines for PTSD. My PNES is for seizures, and it can shut my whole body down and I'm taking two medicines for it to keep my seizures at bay. My seizures are caused by the stress level in my body. If I get really stressed out my body will shut down or even get too overheated. I don't like being around people because it makes me nervous and scared, too worried about if someone is trying to hurt me or if they are laughing at me. I have a medical dog that goes with me to the store, doctor's office, and the bus if I must go somewhere important.

Since I have been having PTSD my mood changes so much from day to day. For example: One day I was at my big brother Jay birthday party and my one my oldest cousin started preaching to on how to raise my daughter. I started to hear all these people looking at me pointing their fingers, laughing, saying what a bad mother I was. I just took out the door walking down the street in a panic mood: like there was air to breathe. I hear the voices telling me to kill them and the voices saying walk away and breath. My 19-year-old daughter KY 'Shun found me in panic mood and she got my mom to help me because I was about to pass out. My little brother Saucy helped me calm down and said I got you sis just focus on me and once I started doing that, I was okay. So, Saucy was trying to get me to calm down by yelling at everyone else to shut up because he knew what he was doing. Well, I had finally calmed down and went home to where I had to deal with more drama. I'm thinking when I get home to relax and calm down but no. My husband at the time we call him Lamont wants to start arguing with me. That's when my other little brother Cob told him what happened at Jay party, but he wasn't trying to hear it at all and that started whole another problem. Saucy saw that my body wanted to shut down so he got my medicine fast for me to take so it wouldn't happen and that's when Lamont came to his sense on what's going on. My PNES was starting to shut down with too much drama and stress on my body and PTSD was in overdrive for me to do anything dangers.

In closing, PTSD and PNES have been a grapple in life. It's hard yes, but I have no choice but to keep fighting to make it better for me and my four children. If you know anybody that is going through PTSD and PNES please get them some help asap. PTSD makes you think suicidal thoughts and that is not a good thing. I still have suicidal thoughts and hear voices in head telling me harm myself but so lucky I have family to help with get over my fears. I still give thanks to God for not giving up on me for all the times that I have tried to end my life, but I still have a lot to live for as in getting GED. I have my bad and good days. Nothing makes me happier but the smile on my children's faces and just to hear their voices but the joyful day for me is really "WAKING UP TO SEE ANOTHER DAY THAT WAS NOT PROMISE TO CAUSE I DIE 10 TIMES AND STILL HERE" I AM LIVING TESTOMINY."  

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