The Stars

Chapter 1

Life sucks.

I go from home to home here. I wish I was 18 already.

I cant stand living with people who say that they love me just so that can sleep better at night.

Every family I've gone to has has temporary foster kids before, and they think that they are doing the right thing by giving us a place to stay for a week, but all they are doing is taunting us.

They show us their perfect lives, what we all want so badly, and then they throw us away.

Just like our real families.

A lot of our parents died, but our aunts and uncles didn't want us, and that's how we got here.

I am staying with a lovely family, they have everything I wish I had.

They are a white picket fence family, the lovely little girl who never does wrong, and the parents are together in a very loving marriage. Completely, head over heels in love with each other.

This is the life that I wish could have happened for me.

~~

My only friend is Aylie, she is the daughter of my foster parents.

She's just 7, so young and yet I had handled so much more by her age.

The system wants me to stay in this house, or one like it for the entire school year so that I can actually complete a year in one go, like a normal kid.

They want me too accept these people as my future family, when at the end of this year, they wont want me anymore.

Never get attached in the system. You'll get ripped away from someone you love and it will hurt more than when you lost your family.

Still though, on Sunday mornings when Mrs. Roberts is in the kitchen making breakfast, Aylie is playing in the yard with the neighbors new litter of puppies and Mr. Roberts is trying to find some music to play on the big speaker that everyone likes, I cant help but wish that it could be mine.

That if I opened my mouth and talked to them they would like me, see that I am not a bad person and accept me.

But no, I am a bad person.

I killed my parents.

The day that I went into my room for the last time, I grabbed my moms favorite CD, her and dad used to play it every night and they would fall asleep to the lullaby's.

The only words that have passed my lips since the accident happened have been lyrics to those songs.

I lose myself in those songs and imagine that, if the accident hadn't happened, I would be inside helping my mom cook and joking around that they listened to old people music.

But in truth, they actually listened to pretty good music.

I have memorized every song, and whenever the nightmare starts to scare me, I hum the lyrics to the one they used to sing to me, the one that was played at their funeral, and the one that will play at mine.

"If I die young....."

I will never let anyone hear though, I will only sing for my parents.

"Bury me in satin......"

They deserve it, and so much more...

"Lay me down....."

They deserve life, and the love they had, and so much more than I can give them.

"On a, bed of roses....."

But I can sing for them. That's all I can do.

"Sink me in the river....."

I know that whatever I do will never be enough, but I can sing for them.

"At dawn..."

Its the only way I can make it better.

"Send me away with the words of a love song..."