The sky is grey, and teardrops are falling from the clouds.
There's a whole ocean of black surronding me. Some are crying. Some are standing, looking forward.
I stand there, and look forward, but I see nothing. It's all a blur. Everything is just dissolving into one image I can't escape.
Her smile.
Slowly, the memories start coming back. It feels like a dagger slowly injecting my heart. Twisting in my gut, and making me want to drop on the ground, but I stay standing, and let the memories hang over me like an everlasting shadow. I should've showed her I cared like a good daughter would. I should've told her, '' Mom, I love you.'' more often instead of screaming when I couldn't have things my way. I should've. I could've, but I didn't. And I can't. It's too late. She's gone. She's never coming back.
I drop my umbrella, and let the rain pour over me.
I cry.
The tears glide down my face, and just fall on the ground, and soak up into the soil.
I wish that I could do that. Just fade in with the mist, or the fog. Maybe drop on the ground, and just disappear into the soil, but I can't.
I don't know how, but I start walking towards her coffin. The thorns on the rose in my hand injects me, but I don't feel any of the pain. I just look forward, and walk. I stop right where the wooden box is, and I gently put the rose on top. A red rose. As red as the blood that covered her face, and body when she layed lifeless in the middle of the road.
It was all my fault. I choose to leave. She tried to chase after me. It could've been me in that wooden box, but she saved me.
*** It was raining that day. We had gotten into a fight, and I left. I ran out, and I just kept running. As fast, and as far as my feet could go. I heard her voice calling out to me, but I didn't turn back. I was so heavy tempered, and frustrated because I couldn't go to a party, and I just kept running. I started to run across the road, and I never looked to see if any vehicles were coming. But there was a truck coming, and it was raining so heavily, it never saw me. It kept coming forward.
I panicked, and frooze in the middle of the road. Looking at death coming towards me, but before I knew it, I flew to the side, and landed on my stomach in a puddle of water.
I heard the truck beep it's horn, and then I heard the loud screeching of brakes.
I closed my eyes tight, not wanting to turn around and face reality. I was hoping that it was someone else, and not her, but then.. I turned around...
A white t-shirt, and blue jeans was all I saw. Just like what she was wearing.
She was just laying there in a heap in the middle of the road.
I just sat there, and stared into the distance not wanting to face what I saw. I hoped that this was an illusion. I hoped that someone else had on a white t-shirt and jeans like she had.
I got up not bothering about the people staring at my drenched clothes. I slowly walked over to her. The driver was out of the truck, and on the phone. I closed my eyes as I stopped over the lifeless body. She had dark hair. Just like mine. Just like my mom, but I still didn't want to believe it was her. I knew that I was going to hear her voice, and feel her at my side soon, and then we'd explain to the police that this lifeless lady saved my life.
I opened my eyes, and knelt down. Her hair covered her face, and she was curled up on her side.
Her t-shirt wasn't white anymore. It was red. Like the stream of blood running out of her head, and onto the pitch road. Blending with water.
I moved the hair out of the woman's face, and just stayed there.
I couldn't tell if I was still breathing. I couldn't tell if this was reality, or a nightmare. I wanted it to just be a bad dream that I'd wake up from, but something inside of me knew better.
The rain poured on me, and I just stayed there, looking down at her face.
''Mom''
That's all I could say. I couldn't even cry.
My throat got dry. I felt like I wanted to throw up, but I didn't.
I just stayed there.
Her eyes were open, but she saw nothing. And soon, neither did I.
There was only.. black, and the sound of sirens dissolving in my ears. ***
I blinked the tear out of my eye, and dropped my hands back at my side. I tried my best to stay strong, but I couldn't hold it in anymore. I dropped on my knees, and bent forward, holding my stomach, and screaming. Screaming because I wanted her back. Screaming because I wanted to go back and change what I had done. Screaming because I hated myself.
I felt someone's arms over me, but I didn't have to look to see who it was.
I burried my face in his chest, and cried. I screamed. I held on.
The feeling of cold rain vanished.
The colors of black suits, and dresses, green trees, a brown wooden box, and a red rose dissappeared until there was only black.
I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't feel anything. I wasn't there anymore.
