DANIELA

CHAPTER 11: IS IT WORTH CONTINUING?

After what happened the previous day (which was a Wednesday), I knew that Daniela had classes today, and I didn't feel comfortable greeting her after what happened yesterday. It was more of a resentment of not being the person she expected me to be. I also knew that she always arrives late to her classes. Therefore, I prepared a little earlier today and left my house at 8:20 (usually, I would go at 8:40, just to meet Daniela). I arrived there at 8:45, and that area was somewhat deserted. There were only about four people waiting. The week passed without any news, but I hoped that maybe I could see Daniela again, not as I used to see her, but with an appreciation for having loved her so much. However, a big part of me didn't want to see her at all. It was like an internal conflict.

I ended that week with a bittersweet feeling because I was pondering the idea of finding the silver lining in her response on the day of the confession. But that feeling gradually disappeared, although there was still a sense of discomfort when greeting Daniela. Perhaps it's because a part of me refused to accept the truth. However, this feeling is controlled now, not unleashed as it was before. Meanwhile, something similar was happening with Maria. Suddenly, she started waiting for and seeking the company of Ricardo. Once when the Tuesday class ended, she hurriedly left, disguising my surprise. I packed my belongings in my backpack and calmly left the classroom. As I exited, I saw Maria talking with Ricardo, just one meter away from me. Without showing any expression, I started greeting Ricardo. While they were talking, I felt like I didn't belong there. After all, Maria is just a friend, and she has already found someone to accompany her to the main door on Tuesdays, unlike me. Maria had a lifestyle similar to Daniela's, perhaps more or perhaps less. The dilemma is that I used to accompany them until the turn they took to exit through the second door. I walked away without looking back, while in my mind, I said, "It's good that she found someone else to forget her last heartbreak." The truth is, in my thoughts, I was trying to find the silver lining in Daniela, but I didn't know what it was.

Sometimes, Maria was accompanied by me on Mondays, which was almost always the usual case since Ricardo doesn't have classes on Mondays. But by law, she was accompanied on Tuesdays. However, there came a somewhat silly reason for why she was now more attached to Ricardo, which is as follows: Maybe Daniela had talked to Maria about my confession, and out of resentment, Maria attached herself to the first person she could find. But this hypothesis is so unreal that I see it as very far-fetched. Seriously? A beauty like Maria in love with me? While I am in love with Daniela? A love triangle? I don't believe it! No matter how much I think about it, I can't even believe it myself. The most sensible reason is that, just like Ricardo and Daniela, Maria and Ricardo go out together everywhere. I once heard them talking about a concert they went to together, but I had nothing to do with those outings. It's not my thing, partying or jubilation. To continue, they go out so much that it's natural for them to feel the need to be with each other to learn more about each other's personal lives. On the other hand, with Maria, our conversations (our messages were like 642, compared to Daniela's 64) were mainly about assignments. Our conversations always revolved around academic topics. Therefore, I always dismissed the idea that Maria might feel something for me. That's my valid hypothesis for why she is now spending more time with Ricardo. Besides, at the beginning, she insisted that Daniela introduce her to Ricardo.

The days were passing, and my affection for Daniela was also fading, but the question of her words still lingered. After a while, I was finally able to talk to her as usual, and it seemed like everything was over. To get some guidance, I told my friend Gerardo (the one who encouraged me to confess to Daniela) to know how he did it or how he could interpret Daniela's words.

Hi.Hello.How did it go with your confession?Well, I finally managed to get rid of the craziness I felt for her. Now everything is under control.Hahaha, so now, are you Daniela's boyfriend?No.Then?Well, she was surprised by my confession and told me she has a boyfriend. We can talk about it later.You think? Is there still a chance?What?! What do you mean there's a chance? Don't you realize that has only one meaning, "wait your turn in line"?Sure, but what's the problem with waiting your turn? Just go for it, don't hold back, keep moving forward. If the girl tells you that you can be with her, then go for it.I don't see it that way. What if she said it out of pity?Maybe, but there's an opportunity. Keep insisting, and if not with her, try with her friend. After all, what do you have to lose?I lose a lot. I value the friendship I have with Maria. If I confess my love to her now as you advise, she might think I'm considering her as a second option, and no girl wants to be the second choice. She might say, "This fool thinks I'm going to accept him just because Daniela rejected him." Besides, I don't feel anything for Maria, and she's already with another guy. She accompanies him; they are each other's outing partners. How can I get involved in that relationship?But give it a try anyway. After all, if she rejects you, aren't there other girls in this university?You're right, but if she says yes, I'm screwed.It's okay, start going out with her, and you'll see how you change little by little.And I told you I don't like that change, and any person who loves themselves doesn't change anything about themselves.But they can change for self-love. Well, I'm running late. I'll go somewhere else.As we said our goodbyes, those last words were well presented, and I couldn't respond. That last sentence left me speechless. On one hand, I had a radical thought of focusing on myself, and on the other hand, changing to improve. The topic of Maria is closed due to Ricardo, and the topic of Daniela is closed with her boyfriend (whom I thought was Ricardo). It's just me now, and no one else. I'll have to find new friends; something will come up, for sure.