Love To Hate You

Chapter 16

Asher

My head hits the wall.

A hot tongue slips into my mouth, parting my lips and every last bit of resolve I have left in my body.

Cas's mouth moves confidently against mine, and everything suddenly feels like it's moving in slow motion - but at the same time like it's working at double speed. The effect is dizzying, something like being swept up in a tornado or being stuck outside in a snowstorm. There's something about kissing him that feels different to kissing anyone else I've ever kissed. Granted, that list is not very long, but the magnetic force between us is is stronger than anything I've ever felt before.

"Fuck you," Cas groans as he bundles up my shirt in his fist and starts kissing down my throat. An arm wraps around my waist, pulling me impossibly closer. "I fucking hate you."

He grabs the back of my neck and turns us around, pushing me onto the bed in one fluid motion, as if he's done this a hundred times before. He probably has. At this point, I can't even tell if I love that or hate that.

"Trust me, the feeling's mutual." I pant, feeling as if all the oxygen in the air is being sucked out of the room with every labored breath we both take.

He yanks off my shirt an throws a leg over my torso, effectively straddling me. I feel almost light-headed as I inhale the smoky scent of musk and whatever fancy-ass cologne Cas wears. "There's this thing I think you should try." He grabs both of my arms and pins them above my head, lowering himself so that he's on top of my body. "It's called shutting the fuck up." I let out a tiny sound halfway between a whimper and a moan as his hardness rubs against my core.

The sensation sends a jolt of pleasure through me, and maybe I'm just high, or maybe I'm just sick of drawing within the lines, but I raise my head, meet his eyes, and grind out, "Make me."

Cas's eyes darken dangerously. "I wish," he whispers, voice gravelly, "I could fucking ruin you."

"So what's stopping you?" 

He grips the front of my jeans, slipping his hand rougly into the fabric of-

Beep! Beep! Beep!

~~~

I jolt awake, painfully aware of the fact that I'm rocking a semi and it's 7am in the morning.

Fucking alarm clocks and their shitty timing.

I sit up and rub my face, desperately wishing that I could wake up just one morning and not remember his legs around my waist, his lips on my skin, his hands in my hair.

Most of all, I wish I could wake up and not think of him.

It's not even the fact that it's a him, which admittedly makes me question how much I was really expecting that, and how much I was just pretending not to realize things to make it easier for myself. But now that I think of it, what's one more complication to my life that I can't control, right? 

Part of me is screaming at myself, "why are you so calm?" But another, stronger part of me learnt a long time ago that freaking out gets you nowhere. Because when shit actually happens, you don't have time to feel. You just accept it and learn how to live with it. I mean, there always has to be someone who doesn't get caught up in emotion when things happen. And that person is me. In nearly every situation.

Plus, at least one I have an explaination for Natalie's multiple failed attempts at giving me a blowjob. That part makes sense now. It's not her. It's just the fact that she is a her.

Because, of course, on top of everything else in my life right now, I could really use a sexual awakening too. And of course it's Cas Jackson. Life just loves me. Doesn't it?

I allow myself one moment of wallowing self-pity at how stupid and completely pathetic my life is, before forcing myself to start thinking rationally.

Firstly, I feel like I should apologize to Natalie.

Call me whatever you want, but I can't shake the feeling that I treated her unfairly. And it's not her fault that the guy she dated for 3 years is gay. We both played an equal part in how our relationship ended, and she deserves an apology on my side.

Me: Hey Nat, do you have time to meet up? I'd love to talk to you.

Nat ❤️: seriously?

Natalie: usual coffee shop. 30 mins.

Me: Okay, see you

Natalie: cya :)

~~~

As usual, Natalie comes in 10 minutes late and dressed like she's at a fashion show. She wastes no time as she sits in front of me and gushes, "Oh my gosh, Asher, I'm so glad you finally came around! I mean, cheating isn't that serious, and you pretty much, well, you were always so closed off, so, any girl in my place would've honestly done the same thing, but-"

"Natalie?"

She ignores me and keeps ploughing on before I can get a word in. "I mean, I made a mistake, you made a shit ton of mistakes too, letting me go was one of them, but at the end of the day we both still love each other, right? And that's what matters. I knew this from the start, that's why I didn't mope around eating ice-cream or whatever girls do post-breakup, because I knew that you would come back to me."

"Okay, Nat, I think you might be misunderstanding this situation."

It's almost as if I didn't speak at all. "So? We're getting back together, aren't we? I can't wait to post this on my insta and tell everyone I told you so!"

"No, wait, Natalie-" I try to turn the conversation back, but to no avail. 

Natalie beams widely at me, all of her teeth showing, before she lunges across the table, grabs my face, and presses a lip-gloss sticky kiss to my cheek. Her phone light flashes as she holds our faces together and takes a picture.

"Nat, just hear me out, okay? I really do love you and I think you're a great girl, but only as a friend. I know that that sounds bad, especially given all our history, but I feel like our relationship has always seemed more platonic. And I'm really, really, sorry for how all this turned out, but I just-"

"And... posted! Look at how cute this picture is!" Natalie flashes her phone screen at me - the picture we just took with me tagged on it, and the caption: "real couples have ups and downs but always come back to each other!"

"Were you even listening to what I was just saying?" I ask, genuinely exasperated with her antics.

"Um, no, sorry." She says, not sounding very sorry. "What were you saying?"

I sigh, resting my chin on my hand and massaging my temple. "You know what, never mind. It's not important."

Natalie shrugs happily. "Okay, well, I'll send you the picture so you can post it on your socials too. And don't caption it the same, but say something along the same lines. Y'know, about like, how we're back together and our relationship is stronger than the Titanic!"

"Didn't the Titanic sink?" I ask, internally thinking that if someone came into this coffee shop right this second and threatened to shoot me, I wouldn't be entirely against it.

"It's a figure of speech, babe." She shakes her head as if I'm silly. "Well, anyways, see you tomorrow! Love you!" She blows a kiss in my direction as she gathers up her stuff and walks towards the door.

And, shit. That was definitely not how I intended for this to go.

AN

sorry for missing last week's update :(((

to make up for it u guys get just a tiny sprinkle of smut but not really smut just heavily implied smut before fading to black :) because im evil and i dont want to give it to u just yet

anyhow, asher needs to stop letting ppl walk all over him 😭

what do yall think will happen next?

love, vi