Tightrope

12

THEN

WILL

My dad left at the most random times, sometimes for only a couple of hours, and sometimes for days at a time.

The very first time I can remember, was when I was seven years old. One evening he went out, as he usually did, and didn't come back until three days later. I didn't tell anyone, and I even worried something bad had happened to him. I thought "What if he had a heart attack? What if he got hit by a car?" Making up the worst possible scenarios in my mind. Anything to explain why my father hadn't come back a couple of hours later, as usual.

I even found myself wondering if my father would be returning home at all someday.

He always returned, though. After a couple of days, sometimes almost a week, he would appear back in the apartment and I would see him sipping his coffee in the morning before I left for school.

The first couple of times I saw him again, I cried. We had almost run out of groceries, and I had almost finished all the food.

Still, I never told anyone. It was hard to hide it, especially from Becca, who lived next door. She would usually ask about my dad and tell me she hadn't seen him in a while, and whenever she said that I would simply shrug and tell her that he didn't really like leaving the apartment. Or that he was sick. Or that he had a lot of work. An excuse that could justify why Becca hadn't seen her next-door neighbor in a while, which was extremely unusual.

Today, I remembered all of this as I brushed my teeth in the morning. My had been gone for two days now, leaving me the whole weekend to do nothing and stay inside the apartment.

Still, it was Monday morning, which meant I had to go to school.

❈

"Hey, Will!" Becca greeted me with a hug, which I returned. "How you doing? I didn't see you all weekend."

"Yeah, I just stayed at home. I'm good, how are you?" I asked back, trying to get her attention on anything else but me.

I adored Becca, she was my best friend in the entire world, my favorite person, the one I trusted the most in the whole world, the one person I could always be myself with, and the one person who knew me better than I knew myself, probably. There were no secrets between us. Except for the one I was currently living.

I didn't want Becca to worry about it. Ever since finding out about my strained relationship with my dad, she had been trying to do everything to get me out of there. She was always calling me and inviting me over for dinner, or to hang out at her houses, or to go outside. Anywhere but my apartment. Anywhere but where my dad was. She had been good to me, and I didn't want to worry her even more about my current situation.

It had been happening for some time now, I was used to it.

I was so used to it, it didn't even surprise me anymore. I could take care of myself.

❈

"Do you want to come over for dinner today?" Becca asked me, as we left the school.

I shook my head. "Thanks, but I think I'm just gonna stay home today." In case my dad comes back, I wanted to add but didn't.

I went straight home and got started on my homework. I finished it soon enough and realized I had nothing else to do. At all. I tried watching some T.V. but it was no fun alone. I tried making myself a sandwich, but we were out of bread, and I didn't have money to go to the store.

Suddenly, the loneliness and sadness got so overwhelming, that the feeling almost knocked me over.

I missed my father, and for the first time in all this time, I resented him for leaving me.