finding you

the night of Christmas Eve

Breathing heavily... I can feel my heart beat loud and clear... still stuck in the dark rooms whose doors open into a scary world of reality...*heavy breath*... I have lost all the courage to open the doors further, stuck in the same room. Even though I know that it's a dream which I dream every night... even though I know that I can't escape it... even though I wanna reach the last door, so I can escape. Hah... dreaming the same for the past 13 years is kinda boring. And all I could see was a door that I'm afraid to open, a room with no walls, a clock that always shows 10 o'clock, and me with no courage. All I could do was wait till someone or something could wake me... waiting and waiting for really long. Finally, I can hear my alarm clock which disturbs my ears and wakes me up.

*alarm ringing* ohh I can hear the alarm, just wake up Lora... wake up. I struggled a lot to wake and I can feel it through my dream. but finally,  I woke...*sigh* I'm habituated to it. I joined my hands and said to myself, "Like always...the same old dream, now...time to make the same old promise... I, Lora Caroline promise to myself that I would never think or talk about my dream. well, today is gonna be a great and a different day." 

yeah, It's December 24 and it's Christmas Eve.  if I was in NYC I would celebrate this day amazingly. but As I woke up and looked out the window, I could see the rays of sunlight falling on the white snow, such a pleasant to my eyes and I could see the world running late, boring...!!!. yes!...this is my world, where even though the nature comes to you, we are too busy to feel it. but, for sure, it was pleasant. well! well! and me being unaware that even I am running late for my work. I forced myself off the bed and dragging my body towards the bathroom. looking myself in the mirror, started to feel proud of myself. And I said to myself in a royal voice using the brush as a mic

"I, Lora Caroline... who was awarded as the best animator for straight 3 years and...these 3 years... I...worked hard(*proudly patting myself*)...my animated movies were loved by most of the audience ...and I...shall look forward to make more animated movies that my audience can enjoy...THANK YOU"

I slightly laughed at myself and took a quick hot shower. I opened the window, and the scene which I can see through the window brought me back to my childhood, when I was in NYC. in japan Christmas Eve is not celebrated as well as in NYC. but ... I have plans with my colleague to go out to eat, drink, enjoy, and so on!!!... can't wait...!!!. 

I made myself a coffee to wake my sleepy brain and I wondered how..., it is the same coffee that I used to hate in my childhood but now saves my busy life. hmm...again getting lost in the beauty of nature which I could see from the window, yeah I'm hopeless, literally addicted to nature. as I was enjoying it...I got a call from my colleague Aquinnah, the layout director of our team. and I know what she's gonna say *deep breath*, she'll be like

"LORA!!!...AGAIN LOST IN NATURE, WE ARE HUMANS TOO... EVEN WE BELONG TO NATURE, REMEMBER USSS!!!...IDIOT!!!" 

of course, she shouts a lot...*sigh* my beautiful bestie, I LOVE YOU...and yeah I picked up her call. well, not to my surprise she shouted the same exact thing and...left the call and I started to rush. packed my files, my laptop, of course, coffee to save my life and rushed towards the train station. took a train and wondered, if I was a fairy I would fly or teleport, that would be amazing right? I know what you guys are thinking, such a childish thought. no...everyone grew but I...I stopped right there...when people called me an idiot for having childish thoughts, I had nowhere to escape reality...until I found my comfort in books and anime. it's a place where I can escape and a world that I love which keeps me safe from all the bad things and evil thoughts.

the train stopped at the destination and I got off. took a cab and reached the studio...being an animation director I should be on time for the meeting. By the way, the cab driver was young and so damn handsome. *Ahem* so, of course, I deserve a lecture for being late... don't know why I feel that they scolding me reminds me of a few dogs barking together...well, I am a person who only likes nature but afraid of dogs...hmm... don't hate me for this.

and me hardworking like a donkey and realizing that...just because I can escape does mean that I should make it my profession *crying inside*. but still, every time I finish my work it feels so happy and proud. it feels like my whole hard work paid off.

the sun is about to set as my colleague and I planned, we started to pack our things and go out to eat. well, my bad luck packing up means packing up the whole studio. and of course, it took so long and until it finished, it was 9 PM. Nobody is unlucky as me, feeling depressed only alcohol can save her 

they went to a gyoza restaurant and ordered  gyoza and a lot of beer. waiting for the gyoza we started to talk about the animated movie again and I was lost in the painting of an oak tree which was half dead and half alive...and me comparing my dream with the tree...hmm... hope my dream is something like this, I just have to pass the dark things to reach the bright things.*a moment of stupid blank head* ohh shit my promise, not ever again, I will never talk about my dream again, and...the gyoza arrived on the table as well as the beer. like always we ate less gyoza but drank a lot of beer...*sigh*...stress, a lot of stress. we kept on drinking and joking around, disturbing the surrounding tables *sigh* it happens all the time, but for sure that was a lively moment.

well... I drank too much and it's time for us to go home. I can barely see anything and Aquinnah was helping me, and all of a sudden her annoying, good-for-nothing, useless, psychopath, cold-hearted, the one who always fights with me, the one and only her boyfriend, Edmund showed up...hah for really, he snatched my friend away from me, but... our friendship is more powerful, he can't separate me from my bestie. never in his whole life, he would separate my bestie from me. and yeah he took her away and my colleague left me because they thought I would be with Aquinnah but she left with her annoying boyfriend...nah, he dragged her as if I am nothing to her. can't believe he is still alive...and yeah it's me alone on the street. the street was empty except for me, a stupid drunken idiot who can't even stand properly. ha...*sigh* if a beautiful woman is alone on a street drunken, of course, bad guys appear. struggles of being beautiful *huff*, and yeah they misbehaved just like in movies and of course, a guy appeared *ahhhh soooo coooool*...wait was I going too fast, sorry...there you go in brief...

I was alone on the street, and from out of nowhere, a group of guys appeared, they looked really scary but their dressing style was damn cool *Ahem* quiet to be honest, but in a drunken state couldn't see their faces properly. at first, they were normally disturbing me but I couldn't able to defend myself or run away cause I was in a drunken state, and they started to behave in an inappropriate way. even if I shout out loud no one would appear cause it was an empty street, just like in the dream I lost hope, all I could feel is my body isn't supporting me and I was helpless with a last hope, I shouted "help!!!". within a second I could see a guy in a suit punch the guy in front of me. he took off his coat and covered me with it, and continued to fight until he realized that there were many of them. he holded my hand as tight as possible and asked me whether am in a state of running at least to his car. and don't know why it felt like he carries all the hopes I had and nodded yes to him. we stood together and ran toward his car...which...was...Rolls-Royce Phantom...FOR REAL!!!... That's my dream car...