Can't Help Myself

Funeral

"Are you available tomorrow night? I need someone to watch the boys."

"I get off work at 7 tonight."

"That's fine."

"It's not too late?"

"I have to visit someone and the boys asked me if you could watch them while I do. I shouldn't be gone for too long. Is that too late for you? I understand if you are unavailable."

"Nope! You can count on me! I'll be at your house tomorrow at 7:30."

"Thanks!"

I smiled at our exchange over text. I was excited to see his boys again. I became curious about who Ethan had to visit that his boys couldn't go with him.

I knocked on the door in the dimming light of the evening sun and Ethan opened it with a big smile on his handsome face.

"Thank you again, Annie." He sighed. He relaxed his broad shoulders and invited me in. When I stepped through, little arms gathered around my curvy legs.

"Annie!" The boys chimed together. They were already pulling my hands in two opposite directions, ready to play with me.

"I'll try to be back before 10."

"Where are you going if you don't mind me asking?" I asked, seeing that he was dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt.

"I'm visiting my grandma in the hospital. She's not doing so well and the boys get easily bored being there. My normal babysitter was busy tonight."

"I hope you're grandma is okay." I said sadly.

"Me too." He kissed his boys goodbye and then left. I played with the boys and made them dinner. I then baked once again with them and watched movies. They both fell asleep on me again on the couch. I held them close to me loving the feeling of having kids around me.

Is that normal? Was I aloud to feel this way about kids? As I watched a Disney movie I became frustrated that Zac hadn't proposed marriage yet. We loved each other and was always there for one another. Why did he not want to marry me?

The door soon clicked open at 11 pm. "I am so sorry I'm late!" Ethan whispered as he quietly closed the door. Like before, we both picked up a kid and carried them to their room. I watched him tuck his kids in bed and kiss them before following me out the door. He clicked the door shut and smiled at me. We walked into the kitchen and Ethan chuckled.

"You baked again." He took a cookie and ate it. He moaned in delight and it made me happy that he liked my baking.

"How is your grandma?"

He frowned. "Not good. They're not sure how much longer she's got. Her last surgery just ... wasn't that much of a success. I'm just glad the boys got to know her before she's passed."

"Were you close to your grandma as a boy?"

"My mom died when I was a kid from cancer. My dad was in the military and my grandma didn't want me traveling everywhere with him. So I lived with her most of my life."

I just nodded and listened. "Is your dad still in the military?"

"He passed away five years ago or so. He had a heart attack."

I was about to cry myself. Why did anyone in the world deserve so much death in his life? I can't imagine either what happened in the military.

"How do you do it?" I asked, looking at the stone counter.

"What?" He softly asked.

"How do you handle so much grief?" I asked, looking into his dark eyes. He peered back at my pale blue ones.