Beyond the end

Letter from a love

Kelly sat down in the garden holding the package in her hands. SHe opened it gently. A white sheet folded in two guarded by a letter envelope. A box of blue velvet. Brandon's secure handwriting.

A letter. A simple thing that no one did anymore. SHe opened it carefully.

I know that this time you will struggle to forgive me, but I couldn't get away from you another time. That's why I didn't tell you I would leave the next day. I lied but it was too much for me. The first time was already painful. The second would have been impossible to hold up. Not after our afternoons together. Our hours. Only ours.

And so I leave without saying goodbye, but I think it's better for both of us.

I don't want to hear you say that's okay and I don't want to pronounce it either. I keep for myself the serenity and love of these months spent together. And God only knows if I'm grateful for it.

That day, in your office, we looked for a compromise that I knew would shatter. After all, love is this, Kel, putting together days of happiness, not necessarily conquered with constant wars. And it was like that for us. Always.

The magic of serenity, of sailing together to the world, so underestimated, the beauty of having a home to return to, seeing my woman's smile: yours, it's so amazing that I don't even know how to describe it to you.

I'm fine, and you're fine too. We have taken our lives in hand and try to bring things together. Give a sense and order. I understand that. In this we are similar. A common denominator.

There will be sunny days as we are far away when we will feel like new and better people. And we will fly high. In those days I will always miss you. Because all these years I've always thought it that would be nice to be able to tell you this or that thing. I've always turned around looking for you in those kinds of days. I always missed you on sunny days. So ordinary and so special. I never understood why you preferred rain. It looked like your comfort zone.

I don't know what will happen to me in Washington. They will let me know when I arrive. Those famous dreams that come true and that hunger that never calms down.

I still believe I can save the world. And that seems to count something. Who knows Kel. If it really matters.

I felt you as you looked at me when I entered a room and I know you perceived how I looked at you. I thought, who knows how beautiful we are while we look at someone we love.

In my opinion we are beautiful.

Probably other people will come after you, and after me, but Kel, you remain the love that would go beyond, and we may have separate lives, but you are the love. The real one. The one to come back from. It's hard to make others understand and it's always been hard to make you understand. What broke me and always broke me was that I wanted to see you arrive one day. To me. I wanted you to choose me.

Then Sammy was born and I realized you wouldn't be back. That I wouldn't have seen you. Something broke down at the time. In me. After all, shouldn't the happiness of the other be our happiness?

But I'm a selfish asshole Kel, and I wanted you for me, pride didn't let me go any further. And I think he will never let me. But don't doubt that I'm happy if you're happy.

I transform when I see you. This is the truth. I know you let me go for me to make my dreams come true. And I never thanked you for that. Maybe we can no longer afford an "us"but something is still there Kel, when I travel the driveway of your house, or when I call you on the phone to find out how you are, or when we were holding on to our coats on the beach.. or when I'm in a hotel room who knows where. There is always that moment of inconsistency and struggle with you and for you. You resisted in my heart and I didn't want to leave without you knowing it.

I know you didn't want to keep the ring but I would like you to keep it for me. It means that door isn't close forever, that's why I've never been able to return it. Keep it for me. Because it belongs to us. And because we existed and I don't want that us be forgotten. I tried to forget it but honestly now I don't find it right. It's Kelly's ring. It's your heart brought into mine.

I thought I was enough with my brazen resistance. You always told me that I seemed unassailable to you. I have always felt fragile in front of you.

Sorry Kel if I couldn't keep you with me.

Strive to be happy. Always be the woman you dream of being and who I love.

Brandon