Acorns and Butterflies

Part 9

"This is a sexy lamp," Klaus said. "It looks just like that lamp from that Christmas movie, except instead of a woman's sexy leg it's an alien's sexy claw."

"Huh?" Luther said. "What Christmas movie?"

Ben snatched the lamp away from Klaus and said, "Stop judging my nerdy shit!"

Diego squinted at the lamp. It was a green... like... leg.

"It's a dinosaur's leg!" Ben said. "Not an alien!"

"Stop bickering," Five said. "Or I'll hire a bunch of my doppelgangers to do this work and fire you all."

"F-fuck you!" Ben said. "You can't fire us!"

Five sighed.

"C'mon Benny," Klaus said. "Five is obviously a one man band. We should respect his entrepreneurial spirit!"

"Ugh," Ben said. "Fine."

"I, um, I think it's a cool lamp?" Luther said.

"Shut up, Luther," Diego said. "No one cares about the lamp."

"Damn," Luther said. "Okay? I... damn."

"I apologize for the confusion," Five said. "But can you all... just... fuck."

"Just say what ya gotta say," Klaus said.

"Can you please shut the fuck up?" Five said.

Diego stared at him.

Five was wearing a white suit and he looked eighteen, but according to time travel bullshit he was actually an old man, and this eighteen year old lookin' old man was obviously having a bad day because he looked as if he was going to break down and cry at any fucking second.

"We'll shut up," Ben said. "Right guys? We'll shut up?"

"Shuttin' up," Klaus said. "Let's, um, let's move furniture in silence?"

"Fuck," Diego said. "Yeah. Um, I... I agree?"

"Damn," Luther said. "Yeah? Me... me too."

"You know what?" Five said. "I'm going to fire myself."

"Wait!" Ben said.

"I'll come back," Five said. "Just... fuck. I, um, I will come back in three hours."

"Deal!" Klaus said. "Godspeed!"

And Five vanished into one of his blue portals.

Then, of course, as soon as Five was gone...

Ben started crying his eyes out.

"Benny!" Klaus said. "It's okay!"

"It's not okay!" Ben cried. "Five hates me!"

"He does NOT hate you," Luther said. "Five loves you."

"He loves you, bro!" Diego said. "He totally loves you!"

"No he doesn't!" Ben said. "He doesn't love me!"

"Dude," Diego said. "You... f-fuck."

"It's okay," Klaus said. "Why don't we, um, we can move furniture later. Let's just..."

"Group hug?" Luther said.

"Yeah!" Diego said. "Let's hug and shit!"

"Fuck off!" Ben screamed. "I don't want a fucking hug!"

"What do you want, then?" Klaus demanded. "The hell do you fucking want?"

"Ugh!" Ben said. "You sound just like Five, Klaus!"