Acorns and Butterflies

Part 10

Five woke up in Sissy's fucking barn.

AGAIN.

"I hate Sissy!"

"Wh-what?" Vanya said.

Fuck, Five thought. I'm such an asshole.

"Shit," Five said. "Um... but if you would like to, um, to get married to Sissy... I support your choice... obviously."

Vanya said, "I'm too young to get married!"

Five blinked at her.

Then he noticed her hair and baby face and realized he was talking to the sixteen year old Vanya.

"Oh," Five said. "You're absolutely right, of course."

"I'm so sorry!" Vanya said.

"Me too!" Five said. "Um, I support your lesbianism!"

"Huh?" Vanya said.

Her eyes were red. She'd been crying.

"I didn't mean to be homophobic!" Five insisted. "Please don't cry!"

"I didn't mean to abuse you with my super powers!" Vanya screamed. "Please don't die!"

"Huh?" Five said.

"I accidentally threw you around!" Vanya said. "I accidentally, um, levitated you!"

"Oh," Five said. "Is that so?"

He looked down at himself and realized he was shirtless.

"I'm so so sorry!" Vanya said. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright!" Five said. "You didn't hurt me!"

"You're BLEEDING!" Vanya screamed.

The barn shook with the force of her sound waves and, because it was such a rickety old building, began to collapse around them. Five grabbed his sister and teleported her outside.

When she saw the barn fall apart she began to uncontrollably.

"It's alright," Five said, as gently as possible. "That is, um, that is an old and useless barn."

Déjá vécu, Five thought. Ben destroyed this barn too.

"I'm a monster!" Vanya cried.

"No, no," Five said. "You aren't a monster."

"I obviously am!" Vanya insisted. "Look at yourself, Five! I almost murdered you!"

Five frowned and looked down at himself. He didn't understand what the big deal was. Sure, he had a few bruises and scrapes...

But he'd been shot and stabbed, several times over, in his past. He'd nearly gotten blown up by one of his own bombs and suffered from the shrapnel that had managed to weasel its way into his flesh. Once, he even lost an entire arm.

So... he didn't see why she was insisting that he'd almost been murdered when that clearly wasn't the case.

She's too young to understand, Delores said. She's just too young.

"You didn't murder me," Five said. "I'm alive, see? I'm alive and well."

Vanya was still crying.

Fuck, Five thought. What the fuck should I SAY, Delores?!

There's nothing you can say, Delores said. Just give her a hug.

Five did so.

Vanya clung onto him as if he'd just come back from the dead.

"There there," Five said. "It's not your fault. How about this... we'll pop over to the Academy and collect your medicine, okay?"

"My medicine?" Vanya said, sniffling.

"Dad medicated you because he thought you were too powerful," Five said. "That's why you... um... that's why it seemed like you didn't have super powers."

"Oh!" Vanya said.

"It was the wrong decision, obviously," Five said. "And I don't want you to take that medication for the rest of your life... but right now we don't have time to train you. So... would you mind taking your medication until we have the time? I'll train you up, of course, but until then..."

"Yes!" Vanya said. "Yes!"

"Excellent."

Five Senior finally came back with Vanya.

"I'm so sorry, sir!" Five Junior shouted. "I failed you!"

"No, no," Five Senior said. "If anything, I'm the one that failed you."

"No you didn't!" Junior said. "I was a bad boy!"

"Um... factually incorrect?" Senior said.

"Stop it!" Diego said. "It doesn't matter!"

"What he said," Senior said, pointing at Diego and grinning.

Diego blushed.

Oh no, Klaus thought. He's got it bad.

"In any case," Senior said. "I've prepared two apartments for us. The only caveat is... they are in 2008."

"Of course, sir," Junior said. "Let's go!"

"Huh?" Allison said.

"We're going to pretend to be eighteen," Diego said.

Cool! Klaus thought.

But he couldn't get a word in with everyone talking over each other.

"Awesome!" Ben said. "I can't wait to pretend to be eighteen!"

"Gather around, children," Five said. "Group hug."

They huddled together in one big giant amazing group hug and then got pulled into 2008.

Not that far away, the sixteen year old Luther Hargreeves was wandering around in California with Grace Hargreeves, looking for his siblings.

But he wasn't going to find them. He would not see the rest of his family for about a year and a half.

Luther was in the training room when his brother Five teleported into the room.

"Shit!" Luther said.

"Fuck you!" Five said. "It's our birthday!"

Luther frowned and said, "Uh... shit."

"You're eighteen today," Five said, insistently. "Do you want to leave the Umbrella Academy or do you want to stay?"

Heart pounding in his chest, Luther said, "I'll go with you!"

"Thank fucking Christ," Five said. "I fucking missed you!"

"I missed you too!" Luther cried.

"Ugh," Five said. "Don't cry all over me."

"Damn!" Luther said. "I'm sorry!"

Mom ran into the room and said, "Children! Children!"

"You can come too!" Five said. "Hug us, Mom!"

Mom did so. It was a group hug.

And Five pulled them through one of his blue portals before Sir Reginald Hargreeves could shoot him with his new super power canceling weapon.

Several hours later, while watching the footage, Sir Reginald Hargreeves sighed.