Leigh's vent poems/notes

Why?

Emptiness..Lack of empathy
I feel that after when I'm done breaking down. I am empty incomplete. Broken but I've always been like that. A lack of sympathy, a lack of focusing. Why can't I be normal? Why just why? I hate making the people around me suffer. I can't even control it. I hate this I hate feeling like this. A roller coaster of emotions every day. It's hard to hide it. Next thing I don't care for the world and then I'm breaking down. This hurts it really does. What can I do to fix it? I don't know it's hard to breathe. I'm breaking down again. Stop, stop doing this to yourself. "You're just seeking attention". Is running in my head. Stop it. Please stop I can get rid of it. I don't wanna feel this way but I don't know why I am. I don't want anyone to understand me before I understand myself. But that's hard for me to do so because I don't know who I am. And I him? No I am not. That wound should have been healed a long time ago. Why am I still like this? I'm free and I could find someone who would do better than him. But I'm scared, why am I scared? Fear...my only fear is to hurt someone they way that I was hurt. I hate that thought of putting someone what I went through. But I'm not him and I should face that. Incomplete is what I always feel. I miss feeling that way, but I still feel that way does that make sense? It feels different and it's odd to me. I know it will never be the same. And I'm glad that it won't. But I see a better future. Maybe I won't feel like this forever. And maybe I won't be in this loop forever.