With Carmen's Help

Meeting Carmen

  Carmen. She was my therapist. The first day we were introduced to one another, I knew she really cared and that she would help me get past the tragedy I had endured so many years ago. Not very long, but long enough for me to forget and remember whenever my brain thought it convenient that is. You're probably wondering "what could have happened to her?", well, I wont keep you guessing. I'll tell you.

  I was raped between my transition to the age of nine. It's hard for me to remember at times. I never saw it coming. I mean who would have predicted that if anyone it would be me. No one. And that is exactly the reason I was chosen to be preyed upon. I was a quiet naïve and solemn child who never spoke too much.

  She didn't require much information of what happened to me. During our first meeting, we sat in my living room. My mother on the love seat, Carmen and I on the family couch.

  Carmen had a yellow rain coat on, a brown shirt, blue jeans, and New Balance brand sneakers. she was a jolly woman. She had short, curly hair, both blonde and brown infused, and a small upturned nose that pointed midway to the sky. It was a nice nose, i had thought to myself. She had a magnificent smile that could cheer you up in a second, and the most beautiful honey brown skin.

  I liked Carmen. She wasn't like other therapists that just sat there with stoic looks plastered on their faces, and repeated "would you like to tell me more about this?"

And, "how so?"

  Carmen pledged to always  be there whenever you needed her. She made you feel warm and welcome. She let you know, without even saying, that you could tell her everything and anything and it would stay between the two of you.

  Carmen was like a breath of life. She was like freedom. When you talked to her, that's how you felt. Free, able to say anything without having to cower In fear at the near thought of someone finding out you had told, had tattled, ratted them out and their only decision now was to do away with you. But nay! Not with Carmen. You're safe.

  To be truly honest, my first thought of Carmen was 'no, this isn't real. She of all people cant be a therapist, no!'.

  Why? Because she WAS real. So unbelievably real, it baffled me and scared me just a bit. I felt as though this was all a set up, it was just too good to be true. But at the same time, reality hit me. I saw in her that she was a free spirit and nobody, even if they tried with all their might, nobody could bring her down. She was untouchable. And that was indeed a quality I highly lacked.

  On the first day we talked about my plan, when we would meet, on what day, and so on. The whole time she was there, sitting on the couch laid back and not uptight, word after word flowing out of her mouth I could not stop smiling. Everything she said was either sweet, true, or humorous.

  I remember everything, every little detail from The sun in the sky, beaming on our faces through the fluorescent blades of the window shades, to the sweat crawling across my palms as I twisted and knotted my hands together. After she had left, when the session was over and she was out of the house, me and my mother turned towards each other. Our mouths gaped open in astonishment, and our eyes glistening as if we had just witnessed a mythical creature.

  "wow. That's-she's-she's gonna be my therapist??"

  My mother smirked "um yah"

  I laughed in disbelief "nooo. Wait you're serious?!"

  "yes"

  "But she's so um, you know like...different. Like she isn't a robot or whatever...it's like she's a best friend or a mother"

  Carmen was a mother, well she is, she had told us about her daughter. She was about the same age as I. for some reason I can't remember her name. I can't remember a lot of things sometimes. Weird but anyways, that day, after meeting Carmen, I started having mixed emotions. One minute I was happy and excited, then the next I was sad and crying and more depressed than usual. I was happy because now I could finally talk about it, vent, be free of it all. Yet the mere thought of doing so made me cry. Just thinking about it hurt. Saying it out loud would just be like reliving the whole situation, all that abuse. I was scared but I knew I was safe with Carmen.

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Thank You so much for reading! i have been working on this piece for a very long time now and i hope you all enjoy it. 

I will be uploading a new part/chapter/section, whatever you want to call it, soon

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Thank You once again for reading!

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