Starlight

16

I sit upon the hills that overlook the House of Wind, feeling the breeze through my hair as I hold my legs against the growing bump on my stomach. My eyes are hollow, shattered as I stare with an empty gaze at the city. Footsteps approach from behind me, I would not care if they were Hybern soldiers finally come to finish me off.

Beside me, Azriel lowers himself into the grass. He does not say a word, only joins me in staring off into the city. Slowly he reaches across, intertwining his fingers in my own, and pulling it into his lap. Silent tears roll down my face as I lean my head onto his shoulder, feel his own head rest upon mine. I reach for the mating bond and find only an empty hole where it once remained.

...

I sit at the dining table within House of Wind, Mor lowering herself into the chair beside me. Azriel leans against the wall across from me, his hollow eyes watching the High Lord take the seat facing me. Cassian already lounges beside him in silence, Amren keeps her piercing eyes on me.

"Feyre now remains in the Spring Court, feeding us information on Hybern's army. We must continue doing our own search, figuring out what information we can find..." He starts, I feel his eyes focus on me. I stare past him, out to the open balcony with an empty gaze. His words drown out as I watch the clouds drift by, the wind rustling trees that litter the mountaintops. "Celesta." My brother's voice is soft, he meets my gaze with pain in his eyes. Only then do I notice that the room has emptied out, that the other members of this court have already gone.

"Hybern's army, I heard you." I whisper, I do not meet the broken smile that pulls onto his own lips. He stands and holds a hand out to me, I stare at his callused fingers. So much like Vossan's, so much like my mate's.

"Do you want to go flying with me?" He words are gentle, as if anything worse would shatter me entirely. I slowly stand and stare at his hand, noticing the hope that flickers within his eyes, before taking a step back.

"No, not today." My voice is quiet as I turn from him, the silk of my dress hanging loose on my skin, and walk towards the door. Leaving the High Lord standing in defeat.

...

I sit on the balcony of House of Wind when a face I did not expect to see walks in from behind me. Nesta lowers herself into the spot beside me, laying the book she carries on the table. Her transformation has made her devastatingly beautiful, though her eyes still remain stone cold.

"I saw the way he looked at you." She says, she does not use the same soft words as everyone else. Her voice is fierce, sharp edges to every word. She does not speak to me as if I am some caged animal, ready to explode when the door finally unlocks. "He would not have wanted you to waste away in this house." I finally meet her eyes, empty ones meeting stone. "You spent centuries by his side, hundreds of years, do not let that crumble away as you become a shell."

I do not utter a word to her as I walk to the edge of the balcony, stepping onto the cold railing with my bare feet. The wind blows through my hair as my wings slowly form behind my back. I glance back once and catch a small smile tugging at Nesta's lips, before I allow myself to fall from the edge. With a flap of my wings, I send myself gliding across the city rooftops and back up to the sky.

You look beautiful when you fly.

...

I sit in front of his grave, the flowers surrounding his name will never do his beauty justice. Amren appears beside me, kneeling down to place a hand on his name. She's softer than I have ever seen her, her gentle hand wraps around mine. Seeing her like this, if causes all the walls surrounding my heart to collapse as a sob racks through my body. She only watches, waiting for me to speak.

"It feels as though I cannot breathe." I say, my voice breaking as I lay my own hand atop his name. The ring on my finger gleams against the sunlight. "Everything feels so hollow, so empty." She continues to watch me, her eyes never changing. "That bond that I clung to for so many years, suddenly it's silent. It's crumbled away, leaving only a gap where it once held strong." I finally look to her, meeting her eyes. "How do I continue to live, Amren?" She lifts a hand to my face, resting it upon my cheek.

"You learn to live in love once again, princess." Amren tells me. "The love you had still lives around you, within you. In the breeze that flows through the trees, in the water that flows beneath us, in the faces of our family, in the life that grows within you." She moves her hand to my stomach and I cover it with my own, she uses her free one to wipe the tears from my face. "If you cannot learn to live again for yourself, learn to live for her. For your family."

...

I walk into the dining room of the House of Wind, a dress of deep black silk drapes across my growing stomach and billows around my feet. Tight black sleeves wrap around my wrists, Vossan's necklace of stars hangs on my exposed collarbone. My hair is swept up, my crown resting atop it, as Nesta walks to drape a black, fur lined cloak across my shoulders. Rhys looks at me in surprise as he stands dressed in his formal attire. My eyes still remain a shell of themselves, but I try to bring a small smile to my lips.

"Celesta, I didn't expect to see you here." Rhys says, Nesta places a hand on my forearm before walking away.

"I want to go with you, to the Winter Court." I say, my voice shakes only slightly. Rhys walks to me, placing a hand on my face as he studies my eyes.

"Are you sure?" His own face remains full of concern.

"Yes, I want a change of scenery." A smile slowly pulls at his lips as he takes my hand and winnows the both of us to the Winter Court.