Jeremike (Not An Off Title)

~~4~~

It's been a few weeks now, since me and Jeremy started dating. I always try to smile around him, but I still have suicidal thoughts and I'm usually happy only around him, otherwise I feel like I'm going to burst out crying any minute (and that even happened a "few" times).

|5:47pm|I was just quietly crying in my bedroom while sitting on the floor. Suddenly, someone caled me. I got up and walked to the telephone.  I wiped away my tears, hoping I won't sound like I'm crying.
"Hey, Mike!" Jeremy said excitedly when I picked up. "Hi..."

"I was wondering if you would like to go on a dinner tonight?"

I wiped my eyes again and thought for a while. "Sure.. When though? I have to get ready." I quickly muffled a sob with my hand. "I can come pick you up in an hour, or do you need more time?"

"Yeah an hour is alright, I guess..." I pushed away an another sob. He was quiet for a while. "Are you okay, love? You sound like you have been or like you are crying." he said in a worried tone. "Yeah... Don't worry, I'm okay." I lied, I was definitely not okay. "I can hear that you've been crying, I can come over now if you want and we can maybe talk about it? Then we can go to a nice dinner, I'll pay."
He's so nice to me, I feel like I don't deserve someone perfect and nice as he is. I didn't even try to push away/muffle my sob. "That would've been nice..."
"Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes."

After around five to ten minutes, that felt like an hour, Jeremy finally knocked on my front door. I was now sitting on the floor in my living room 'cause I probably won't hear him knock while being in my bedroom. I got up and opened the door, I was stil crying a bit. He got inside and when I closed the door, he quickly hugged me. I hugged him back and quietly cried. "I'm sorry." I sobbed. "For what?"
"For crying in front of you, again." I wiped my eyes. He gently kissed my forehead. "It's okay, I don't mind. Do you want to cuddle while we talk about it?"
I nodded and he lifted me up. "You don't have to carry me, I can walk on my own." I muttered. "But I want to, so don't protest."

He carried me into my bedroom and then lied down on my bed so I was lying on him. "So what happened?" he asked after a while of an "awkward" silence. "I don't know, I feel like I don't deserve any of the nice things that are happening to me because of my shitty past. I feel so bad for the things I've done, even if some aren't even technically my fault but still. Everything is so fucked up for the past few years. I can't exactly explain it."
He stayed quiet for a few seconds. "I know that it feels like you don't deserve anything, but you deserve even more nice things that are happening to you now. None of those things that happened in your past are directly your fault."

I don't exactly remember everything he said because my head felt like it was going to explode.
We were just cuddling while he was playing with my hair and gently rubbing my back. Then, I accidentally fell asleep, I was so tired from crying.

Jeremy woke me up after like an hour. "I feel so bad that j had to wake you up."
"It's okay, I'm so sorry for falling asleep. I was really tired from crying. But I'm okay now, J guess..." I forced a smile, I immediately regret the last two sentences. "We don't have to go there if you don't want to, I can cook instead if you want."
I shook my head. "It's okay, I'm not tired anymore so we can go." I then changed my clothes and we went to a restaurant.

It was great, except for when a waitressnthat was flirting with Jeremy "accidentally" spilled red wine on me. The food was really nice though, and I really enjoyed the time with him. "It's not gonna come off, is it?" I asked Jez while trying to scrub the wine off of my white shirt. He shook his head. "I don't think so. I'll buy you a new one."
I gave him a confused look. "You don't have to. Because you didn't do it. And I have an another white shirt." even though I really liked this one, I didn't mind a lot that it's ruined. He sighed and then kissed my forehead. "I'll be right back."
"Okay." I continued scrubbing the shirt, even though I knew that it's not coming off. After a while, Jeremy came back. "Where were you?"
"I was thirsty. Am i not allowed to drink water in my boyfriend's apartment?" he teasingly asked. I smiled at him. "Of course not. You're forbidden to drink anything here." I giggled. He smiled too and then gave me a kiss into my hair.

Afterma few minutes of scrubbing, I gave up. I left the shirt in the sink and went to my bedroom. "Do you want to stay overnight?" I asked while taking a t-shirt out of my closet. "Yeah, if you don't mind."
"But wait... I just realized, don't you have work tomorrow?"
He shook his head. "No, I took a day off becuase I know that it's your day off so I took the opportunity to be with you the whole day again." he gave me a heartwarming smile and I smiled back at him.
He then went to his car and took some more comfortable to sleep in (he "knew" that he's gonna stay).

Im so sorry if something doesnt make sense/Im making typos but im extremely tired so :') I hope you liked this part (over 900 words lmao what)