It's almost 2 a.m. and I don't really know why I'm still up. I really don't a reason or explanation for much of anything anymore. Maybe I'm still up because the thoughts racing through my mind won't let my brain sleep. That seems to happen a lot. Everything in this life is so confusing, I don't know how I feel. I'll be honest, I've barely had a sip of alcohol and have never been on drugs, but at times like this, I wish I was. I feel like this every night. This feeling of emptiness.
It's 1:57 a.m. and I'm so vulnerable. There's only one person I want to talk to right now, but unlikely my friend. I still have yet to open your last text from 3 days ago. How do I respond? Do I respond? Do I finally throw in the towel, just ignore it? I could finally give you a taste of your own medicine.
1:59 a.m. now. I'm just so alone. Netflix seems like the only remedy I can find to fill the void. But even 17 episodes of American Horror Story doesn't help.
2:00 a.m. People are so vulnerable at this time. We're all up, waiting for God knows what. They say if you're up at 3 a.m., you're either in love or lonely. I wish I could say I wasn't lonely. We'd all risk our biggest secrets at this hour, begging for someone to finally listen that wasn't some old stuffed animal. Praying for that text that breaks your chains. This is the time you really get to know someone. The hour that makes or breaks a person. Truth and lies come out when least expected. Maybe we're just guilty souls trying to erase the regret off our hearts. Some of us, maybe all, are just lost souls. Searching for something to set us free.
2:04 a.m. I don't know what can set me free of this dark, suppressing sadness that makes me feel like I need to press the off switch. I tried everything to forget about you. Nothing worked and I don't know how you did it so easily. Sometimes it stings thinking about it. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop. How were you able to erase me without a flinch?
2:13 a.m. Is there really such thing as addiction? Because the more I think about it, willpower is my biggest enemy. Addiction is just a fancy word for "I'm not ready to let go and quit." If I really wanted to, I could let you go. I could give you up if I really wanted to, but I don't want to.
2:18 a.m. I have scars when stretch marks should be. I can't take this pain anymore. Please make it go away.
YOU ARE READING
Free Yourself
Poetry"You either say how you feel and fuck it up or you say nothing and let it fuck you up instead."
